I see too many people doing dirt in the dumbest of ways. What I mean by this is I notice people doing things they know they shouldn't be doing, but they go about it in an illogical way. There are precautions that must be taken while doing wrong. There are also a few rules that should be followed.
1. Don't be obvious.
If you are doing something wrong and are attempting to not get caught, then it's needless to say don't make your intentions known. For example, if you plan on stealing something in a store, then don't hover around it while staring at the cashier. You look suspicious as fuck.
Most thieves spot what they want to steal then avoid going near it until they are sure no one is watching them. Store owners are aware of this, which is why they are suspicious of people (mainly teenagers and minorities) that walk around the store too long with buying anything.
The best way to steal from a store is the direct approach. Just walk in, grab it and walk out. Usually, this works best after scouting. You visit the store once or twice to learn the layout, see if there are any cameras and take note of busy hours. Then you come back, grab and go.
2. Make sure it's worth the risk.
This is pretty self explanatory. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. You win some and you lose some. You've heard it all. Just make sure your wins outweigh your losses. I'm not talking success rate. I'm saying you have to know whether or not the punishment of getting caught is worth whatever it is you are doing. Do the pros of your actions outweigh the cons? Do you stand to gain more than you stand to lose?
For example, when I was in college, niggas used to steal each other's game systems and laptops . (Xbox, Playstation) If you were caught doing this, the worst case scenarios are getting kicked out of school or fighting the nigga whose shit you stole.
A high end gaming console/laptop is worth $500- $1000 on average. You could easily sell these things and make a couple hundred dollars. If you spend a lot of time robbing niggas, then you probably don't care too much about getting a degree. Plus getting kicked out of one college won't stop you from attending another one. Also, my school was small enough to know whose shit you were stealing, so you knew ahead of time whether or not you could beat that person in a fight. The risks are fairly low compared to the reward.
Let's change the scenario a little bit. Let's say you want to steal the same product, but new. So you decide to steal a system/laptop from a Best Buy. Now the risks are a lot higher. If you get caught here, they are more than likely pressing charges. And stealing that type of product is going to get you a grand larceny offense. You're doing a couple years in jail, paying a few grand in fines or both. This time, the deed isn't worth the risk at all.
3. Timing is everything.
You can commit any crime or wrong doing and get away with it as long as it's done at the right time. In life, timing makes a huge difference in every decision you make.
Perfect example. My favorite word is "bitch." I can call my homeboys bitches all day cause we have that kind of relationship, but I can't do the same to my female friends (or any female) without getting cursed out or beat the fuck up. However, there was a small period of time when I could call anyone a bitch.
If you are older than 10 then I'm sure you remember the Chappelle Show. One of their most iconic episodes was the Rick James episode. The premise was Charlie Murphy sharing stories of how he used to hang out with Rick James, who was played by Dave Chappelle in a flashback sketch. The most memorable line from that episode was "I'm Rick James, bitch." For the next month, I could call anyone a bitch as long as I claimed my name was Rick James, first.
4. Have a backup plan if caught.
Obviously, the goal is to get away with something wrong without being caught, but there is always a chance that things don't go as smoothly as you planned. This is when you need to have a backup plan.
A backup plan can be something as simple as a lie you can tell to help you escape punishment. The funny thing is most people can tell you are lying, but if it's a good enough lie they'll be too afraid to call you on your bullshit. The one thing people hate more than liars is that awkward embarrassment they feel when they've accused someone of lying then later find out that person telling the truth.
For example, a buddy and I were out so late the sun started rising. We were broke and starving so we decided to drive to the closest hotel and help ourselves to a free continental breakfast. We got inside and could smell the food, but couldn't see it. We made the mistake of going to a nice hotel, so us being the only two niggas there kind of made us stand out.
One of the managers approached us and asked what we were doing there. For some reason my mind went completely blank. My homeboy told him we were interested in working there and we needed applications. (Damn, that was a perfect lie.) We actually did need jobs at this time and we definitely looked unemployed. He gave us 2 applications and we left.
5. Don't get cocky/sloppy.
After a little practice/luck you'll become quite successful at pulling off these stunts, but don't become too arrogant. The day you get cocky is the day you get caught. And it's not going to be because of karma. It'll be because you made a rookie mistake. When you become full of yourself you'll start to make mistakes you normally wouldn't make. You overlook certain things.
Cheating, for example. Not to sound arrogant, but I've successfully cheated on too many girls to count. However when you do it as much as I have, you are bound to get caught eventually. I remember one instance especially, because it could have been easily avoided. It was clearly a rookie mistake. A few of them, actually.
As usual, I had a chick hanging out at my crib. We just finished fucking and I had to go to the bathroom. First rookie mistake, was leaving my phone in the room. Second rookie mistake, was not having a lock on my phone. Third rookie mistake, was not clearing all call logs and text messages before she came over. At the time I had roommates, so when I left the bathroom I chatted with them for a few minutes. That was my fourth rookie mistake; not coming back in the room quick enough.
Of course, she couldn't help but go through my phone. Especially after I made it so easy for her. It had been a while since I was last caught up, so I was feeling invincible. Then it all came crashing down because I got careless. Remember, always keep your guard up no matter how good you are.
6. Be confident/oblivious.
This may sound contradictory to the last rule, but let me clarify what I'm saying. I'm saying you should commit to your actions. Whatever you are doing should come off as natural. So natural that it seems like you are completely oblivious to any wrong being done.
For example, years ago I was in a McDonald's. It was really busy and the cashiers were just taking people's names and writing it on their orders. When your order was ready, they would yell your name and set your food on the counter. I was waiting in the back of the line to order when I noticed a guy make an order then immediately go to the restroom. They called his name, I walked to the counter, grabbed his bag, said thank you and walked right out. No hesitation at all.
7. Don't snitch on yourself.
This should go without saying, but people talk too fucking much. If you do something and get away with it, shut up and be grateful. Don't go around bragging to your friends. You especially, don't brag to strangers. You never know who knows who. The only time telling on yourself is ok, is if there is no possible way it could come back to bite you in the ass.
For example, as a rapper, I sometimes rap about my life. But you'll never hear me rap about some shit that I did that could possibly be used against me in court. The only time I might even consider doing something like that is if I'm past the statute of limitations or I'm on my death bed.
A wise man once said, "Getting married is like installing extra seatbelts in your car because you think that will add protection. But what if your car flips over and is about to explode? You have 10 seconds to get out. You just made it WAY harder on yourself to survive. Sure, you might have survived the initial crash, but no amount of seat belt is going to protect you from an explosion." That wise man was me.
Many people argue that this type of pessimism towards any relationship is unhealthy. I get responses like, "You shouldn't go into a relationship expecting it to fail. Etc etc. Blah blah blah." I get it. I understand where this way of thinking comes from. I'm sure that there are a bunch of studies showing how positive thinking can create an environment that breeds success. To some extent, I can agree with this ideology. In fact, optimism has helped me come a step closer to a few of my goals.
However, life is always in need of a healthy dose of pessimism. It helps keep you grounded in the real world that us adults are forced to live in every day. It also makes you acknowledge the facts. And the fact is, 90% of relationships fail. You want to know why? It's because it's damn near impossible to find that special someone on the first, second, third or even tenth try. Some might say it's even harder to keep that special someone around after you find them. But that's a topic for another blog.
The purpose of this post isn't to bash relationships; it's to bash marriage. Why? Because it serves no real purpose. As a matter of fact, it'll probably be the thing that ruins your relationship and that's IF you even make it to the engagement phase. But let's discuss that phase for a moment.
In my opinion, if you want a traditional monogamous relationship, your goal should be engagement and that's all. Sure, the normal way to get engaged is to propose a marriage, but let's look past that. What the engagement really signifies is both people are pledging themselves to one another. You are both agreeing that the courting/dating phase is over and you love each other enough to exclude the rest of the world from your relationship. There is also usually a ring involved to let outsiders know you are in a committed relationship.
Now, with that being said, what else do you really need out of that type of relationship? You have verbal commitment, a ring that symbolizes and makes others aware of said commitment, and the understanding that you are both on the same page. It's perfect. Like I said in a previous post, you can't improve perfection. Or some shit like that. So why would you fuck this perfection up by tacking on a marriage that isn't needed?
Everyone thinks they know the benefits of a marriage, so I'll tell you what it really does. If an engagement is the moment the relationship shuts out the rest of the world and both parties truly become the perfect pair, then a marriage is the event that opens the relationship back up to let other people in. Not to mention, you can't imagine the type of debt you'll be in after having a traditional wedding. (If you haven't paid off your student loans yet, hold on to that wedding money) Now, after opening your relationship to all the 1st person jumping in bed with you and yours is going to be the government.
When I say the government, I mean all the laws and restrictions that come with marriage. The law literally dictates how and when a married couple separates. Breakups are already stressful. Do you really want to have to hire a lawyer to leave someone? I get that you should be in the mind state of "forever," but be realistic. You are more likely to break up than you are to stay together.
Besides the government, you'll be inviting other people into your relationship during marriage. I get it. When you find that special someone, you want to let the world know that you're finally off the market for good. That makes sense, but don't your family and friends already know about your significant other? Especially if you guys are at this point in your relationship. There is really no need to invite everyone you know to a wedding they probably don't even want to attend. And if you need complete strangers to know you are in a relationship for some reason, that's what the ring is for. Or you can just tell them.
The other arguments I hear for pro marriage are religious reasons and the feeling of being the center of a huge wedding ceremony. First, if God is real, I doubt he cares that much about your marriage. From what I understand, he sees you as a pile of dust. As long as you love him more than the pile of dust you are in a relationship with, then he's satisfied. Second, if it has been your goal in life to have a wedding, for whatever girly reason, then be my guest. I'm not going to tell someone to give up on their goals. Just know that a wedding is one of the most selfish things you can ask for.
If you are being honest with yourself, you can admit that a wedding is nothing more than a sweet 16 party for adults. Personally, I hate big events, even if I'm the center of attention. A wedding makes you look like a spoiled brat. It's basically you telling people, "Hey, drop everything in your life, rent an expensive prom outfit and come spend your entire day congratulating me on finding a person who wants to fuck me for the next few years." But hey, if a wedding is on your bucket list, who am I to deny you the pleasure? Just make sure it's a wedding you can actually afford.
So, I googled the average cost of a wedding and it's just over $25k. But it also says most people spend less than $10k. That means that people are spending anywhere from $10k to $40k for a ceremony that last a few hours. This is the equivalent of finding everyone you are close/semi close to and giving them $100 to come judge your relationship. It's completely free to change your Facebook status from "in a relationship" to "married." With that kind of money, ya'll could put a down payment on a house that'll last way longer than your marriage will. Just something to think about.
The other day, I was watching a video on YouTube. It was two brothers responding to an email from one of their viewers. The email was from a woman asking if men preferred a pretty face or a nice body. The two brothers both agreed that when it comes to appearance, body outweighs face. This has been one of the many topics discussed amongst the crew and I. I completely agree with the brothers.
I'm sorry to say this, ladies, but slapping on a pound of makeup does not make your waistline invisible. Now, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the woman that sent this email is fat. The main reason I make this assumption is because she asked such an insecure question. Women with nice bodies seem to forget they have ugly faces, therefore they generally have higher self-esteem then your typical butterface/cow. On top of that, no matter how beautiful a woman's face is, she will definitely feel insecure about her body if it's not up to par.
Now, let's break down why body is worth more than face in appearance currency. The most obvious reason is that your body makes up most of your appearance. Think about it. Compared to your face, your body is literally 90% of who you are physically. Since your body takes up more space than your face and can also be seen from farther away, it is normally the 1st thing people notice when they see you. Lastly, your body holds more weight than your face does. Not weight in pounds, but on an attractiveness scale.
Everyone knows about the attractiveness scale. Personally, I wish it was nationally standardized so rating people would be so much easier. But for those who rode the shortest of all buses, I'll briefly explain the scale. Everyone can be ranked, based on their appearance, on a scale of 1-10. Scoring a 1 means you were supposed to be aborted and scoring a 10 means you are out of everyone's league. With that being said, I can now explain how bodies are weighted more than faces.
Let's just say you have the most beautiful face anyone has ever seen, but you are 5'4 and weigh 400lbs. You get a 10 for the face and a 1 for your body. If face and body were weighted the same then overall you would score about 5. However in reality, that kind of breakdown would score you in the 2-3 range. Let's flip the stats and give you a 10 for body and 1 for face. Again, if face and body were weighted the same then overall you'd be about a 5, but surprisingly most guys would give you at least a 7 if not 8.
Some women probably want to know why men value body over face. It's simply because having a nice body is more impressive than having a pretty face. This goes for males and females. When I see someone that is clearly in good shape I assume they either have good genes or they workout. On the other hand, when I see a pretty face I don't really form any opinions about it. I don't care how good of a makeup artist you are, that's just not impressive to a guy.
Additionally, as a former bodybuilder, I respect a nice body because I know how much hard work it takes to achieve/maintain. Especially if you are genetically predisposed to looking like a potato. (like myself) You can't earn my respect with a pretty face, because true beauty is genetic. You didn't DO anything to get that face. (And I'm talking about women who look beautiful without makeup.) A truly beautiful face isn't just skin deep. It's based on your bone structure, how far apart your eyes are, how big your nose and forehead are, the symmetry of your face and ears, your teeth to gum ratio, the slope of your chin, the placement of your eyebrows and hairline, etc. You can't drastically change your face unless you get surgery.
Too many women are confused by how men think when they should actually put more focus on bettering themselves. If you truly want to make yourself attractive to the greater population, then stare in the mirror until you like what you see. Eventually you'll pick out all your flaws one by one and gradually fix all of them. Like most females, you'll never see yourself as a perfect 10, but who cares. Most guys aren't confident enough to exclusively approach 10s any way. All in all, if you want to become more attractive, put the makeup down and go to the gym.
I immediately lose respect for any man that cries around me. Period. I don’t care if your entire family was massacred right in front of you. I don’t care if you lost every dime of your money in the stock market. I don’t care if you walk in on your home boys running a train on your wife. I don’t care if your dick just got chopped off. I better not see one single tear. Because, at that point, not only are you a man with no dick, but you are also crying about it. You a bitch now.
What’s really sad, is how men try to compensate for their sadness by being overly aggressive. Niggas think they get a pass for successfully covering up their sadness with ridiculous amounts of anger. I’m sorry to say this, but we see right through you niggas. Give it up. While I do admit, I would rather see a nigga flipping tables, throwing chairs and punching holes in the wall than a nigga with tears running down his face. I would feel extremely uncomfortable to sit in a room with either. At the end of the day, both of ya’ll are bitch made in my eyes.
Personally, I hold these same standards to women as well. A lot of women think men look down on them, to a certain extent, because of the natural gap in physical strength. That may be partially true in some cases, but the main reason men feel superior to women is because women are known to be emotional. They are especially known to cry. Emotions create the allure of weakness. Weakness is hard for me to respect.
This isn’t even strictly a standard I place on adult males/females. The application of this “no crying” standard begins at age 10. If you are 10 years or older, there is no need for you to cry about anything. Ever. Kids are probably the most emotional beings on earth, which is probably why I hate them so much. I can see how that may seem like a harsh standard to place on a kid, but that’s around the time I had my last cry. And I can honestly say that learning to control my emotions from such a young age has greatly benefited my life.
Compared to the average person, I handle psychological trauma extremely well. A lot of people see my “lack” of emotions as unnatural, weird, crazy, robotic etc. I think that this level of control gives me an advantage. I don’t purposely break things that I later regret breaking. I don’t say things that I later regret saying. I don’t make situations worse out of pure frustration.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m completely emotionless. I feel all the same things you feel. The only difference is, you can’t gauge how I feel by the way I act. You’ll only know how I feel if I tell you. None of my actions are determined by my emotions. Every move I make is calculated and well thought out. The only emotion I can honestly say I struggle with on a daily basis is fear; the fear of becoming weak like you niggas. But even with that, you would have never known if I didn’t tell you.
In the past, I’ve had a handful of people accuse me of being weird because I don’t like kids. What kind of shit is that? In a society that persecutes pedophiles for liking kids WAY too much, how does it also make sense to chastise someone for wanting to have nothing to do with them at all?
There is a spectrum when it comes to children. On one end are the pedophiles, who love kids so much they want to fuck the shit out of them. On the other end, you have that fat lady from Matilda, who hates kids so much she wants to kill them. Based on this spectrum, I’m somewhere in the middle. And all you people who claim to love kids, you are only a few steps away from being a pedophile, according to this spectrum that is.
I know the title of this is “I Hate Kids,” but let me clarify. What I mean is, I hate being in the presence of children. There just isn’t anything beneficial about having a kid around. They are needy and annoying. Plus most of them are just mini versions of people I don’t fuck with. I don’t hate kids to the point where I want to cause them any harm. Their existence doesn’t necessarily bother me. I would just prefer that they are nowhere near me.
A lot of ya’ll are just putting on a front. You don’t like kids either. You just cant express how you really feel because you accidentally had one. And being a parent that hates kids is kind of a bad look in the eyes of society. Some of ya’ll take it too far, though. As if having a child made your life so much more fulfilling. Get that bullshit out of here. You know damn well your life got 10 times harder the day you found out you were having a kid.
That’s why its so hard for me to listen to parents tell me how they love their kid so much they couldn’t possibly live without them. Really?….Really? Your kid is going to be 99% of the reason why you die broke. I studied some economics and found out that the main reason the poor get poorer is because they have kids knowing damn well they can barely support themselves.
For all you parents who feel like your kids filled an empty void in your lives; you guys are pieces of shit. You don’t fill a void in your life with the life of another person, especially a person that you created. A kid is a reward to those who have become successful in life. This means if you ain’t shit, then spend all your disposable income on rubbers until you are fully capable of raising 10 kids at the same damn time.
One question I get from niggas is “Don’t you wanna pass on your legacy?” On one hand, I do, but my I’m a rapper. My legacy will live on through my music. Tupac didn’t need a kid to leave behind a legacy. He became great and made sure everyone knew how great he was before he died. On the other hand, I could give a fuck what happens after I die. It’s not like I’ll be able to enjoy people praising me when I no longer exist. Besides, in this day and age, the only real legacy people leave is what they post on social media. The average person isn’t important enough to have a real legacy to leave behind any way.
Consequence - the direct result of an action; usually negative.
Growing up, it never dawned on me that it’s quite honorable, even brave, to willingly accept the consequences of a wrong doing. On the other hand, I’ve never accused anyone running away from a consequence of being a coward. It’s a strange topic. At one point or another, we’ve all had to face the consequences of something we did wrong. But if given the opportunity, most of us would’ve completely avoided them all together.
Accepting the consequences of my actions was never a big deal to me. My parents raised me on the cause and effect system. If I did anything that caused them to get mad; the effect was me getting my ass whooped. It was easy to recognize when I deserved to be punished. What made it so easy was my ability to tell right from wrong. Everything was black and white to me; no middle gray area.
When you know you are doing something wrong, it’s easy to come to terms with the consequences. This is especially true when you know what the consequences are before hand. That’s how I gauge my actions. If the benefits of me getting away with something outweigh the negative aspects of me getting caught, then I just do it. Probability plays a huge role as well. If the chances of me getting caught are low enough, then I’ll damn near do anything if it benefits me directly. But if I get caught I’m not going to bitch about it.
For example, if I murder someone, I’m not going to be mad at the cops that catch me, the judge that sentences me or the prison that holds me. I’ll be pissed at myself for either committing the crime in the first place or not doing a better job of getting away with it. Don’t get me wrong, even after being proven guilty, I’ll deny that shit for as long as I can. I’m not going down without a fight.
The one thing I can’t tolerate is suffering the punishment for someone else’s actions. There is no way in hell I should have to pay for the wrong doings of someone else. I’m all about fairness and that shit just ain’t fair at all. And I know, “Life ain’t fair.” But fuck that. Why would I pay the price for an action that will only benefit someone else?
It all boils down to taking responsibility for your actions. Most bad things that happen to you are usually your fault. You were somewhere you shouldn’t be. You were with someone you shouldn’t have been with. You were doing something you shouldn’t have been doing. You were neglecting to do something that you should’ve been doing. I can’t feel sorry for you if you caused your own suffering. That’s why I never support the “Free (any rapper locked up)” campaign. If you are willing to do the crime, then do your time.
So I get a call today from some woman named, Pam. Turns out she was my pops’ wife. She tells me he died this morning at 3:09am, which I thought was oddly specific.
I was currently traveling and watching Netflix, so I couldn’t really think of a good response. Ironically, I had just finished the episode of Breaking Bad when Walter told his family he had cancer and was probably going to die soon. (spoiler) I just kind of murmured some jibberish then went silent. She said “Hello, did you hear me?” I really just wanted to say “Ok,” but instead respond with “Yeah, thanks for letting me know."
She lets me know that I am one of his beneficiaries, so there is some paperwork I need to fill out. She says she can mail them to me if I send her my address. She then asks if I have my sister’s number so she can tell her the news. I of course do not. Now that I think of it, I’ve never had her number. I never needed it.
Surprisingly, after I get off the phone with Pam, my sister texts me and asks if Pam told me everything. I respond with "Yeah.” She then asks me if I’m doing ok. It’s a weird as question coming from a younger sister, especially mine. I respond with another “Yeah.” She goes on to say that moms wants to talk to me and she asks if I want her to have my number. I don’t respond.
If you guys have been keeping up with my blog posts, then you know I haven’t spoken to my moms or sister in over 10 years. Same goes for the rest of the fam besides my pops and cousin Ray, who text me on occasion. Coincidentally, Ray text me right after my sister did. Followed by an aunt Val that I probably haven’t seen since I was in diapers.
They just wanted to give their support and condolences, which I understand. I also understand their lack of familiarity with someone of my nature. I am not weak like you humans. Trivial things, such as death, don’t bother me in the least. I’m not sad. I’m not depressed. I’m not one of you. Don’t patronize me as such. I’m good.
Even though I had a full ride through college, I still had to pay out-of-state fees. The fees were covered by student loans my pops took out in my name. I didn’t mind this, because he was paying them off. Since that is no longer the case, I’m a little annoyed that I’ll have to add these expenses on my plate.
I contemplated on whether or not I should post this, because I do not want a bunch of people I haven’t talked to in years to suddenly throw me a pity party filled with fake empathy. If you are reading this, please don’t bring this topic up around me. (you’re going to do it any way) All that does is put me in an awkward situation where I have to think of a good response to “Sorry for your loss.” The best thing you can do is to either act like this nigga ain’t dead or don’t bother me. Life moves on.
As I get older, I start to see the world for what it really is - a bunch of idiots. Since I graduated high school, I’ve probably had about 4 drinks and smoked 4-5 times. Drugs and alcohol don't appeal to me much, (especially alcohol) so I choose to abstain from such things. Not for any religious or health reasons, but because I simply don’t get any benefits from doing the shit.
I started smoking and drinking (and fucking) my sophomore year in high school. My mind was always focused on the future. It still is. Even back then, I knew how much adulthood would suck. I knew that eventually, I’d have to start taking life seriously and give up most of the things I enjoy in order to not turn out like a bum ass nigga. I prepared myself for this by experimenting with as many things as I could while I was young enough to recover from any bad side effects. I didn’t want to become the only crackhead in my class, so I limited myself to weed and liquor.
Weed was the 1st thing I tried. I didn't really have any huge expectations so it was neither disappointing nor impressive. It was just ok. Learning to blow a smoke ring was probably the most satisfying thing about it. I want to say it relaxed me, but I’ve only ever smoked in relaxing situations. Plus I’m naturally calm and nonchalant. This was definitely a group activity for me, because that was the only way I could smoke for free. Weed was never good enough for me to spend money on.
It was maybe about a month or so later when I started drinking. Me and a buddy used to steal bottles of liquor from the grocery store down the street from my crib. We would take it to one of our hang out spots and split it with anyone offering weed. Again, it’s hard to say if the alcohol really had any major affect on me. I never got sloppy drunk - just enough for a little buzz. Immediately, I knew drinking wasn’t for me. It was mainly because of the taste and the way drunk people act around me.
Since I didn’t like the taste or smell of alcohol that was easy to quit. Once niggas stopped offering me free smoke, weed was also easy to quit. On top of that, my moms was nagging me about getting a job and I knew I'd have to take a drug test eventually. I definitely didn’t want to give her another thing to bitch about. I got what I wanted out of the experience. I did let my friends talk me into trying both again just so I could prove a point that I really don’t get anything from being drunk or high.
Now to address the idiots. When I tell people I don’t smoke or drink, I get the same dumb ass response. “Then what do you do for fun?” This has to be on my top 5 most hated questions list. Right next to “Can I touch your dreads?”; “What’s wrong?” and “Can I borrow (any amount of money over $20)?”. I can’t even comprehend how someone could think this question isn’t stupid. As if smoking or drinking by themselves are inherently “fun” and no other entertaining activities exist. They act as if sober people aren’t capable of having a good time. What’s crazy, is we probably do the same shit for fun. I go to concerts, bowling, shooting, the club, hooping, working out, watching movies, cooking, hang out with friends, play games etc.
What I think they mean to ask me is, “What is your vice?” That’s a more intelligent question and my answer is simply, “Fucking.” That’s it. Fucking to me, is what smoking and drinking are to the general population. It’s my stress reliever. When I’ve had a long hard day at work, busting a nut is exactly what I need to take the edge off. Not to mention it’s free and burns calories.
You know that person that always seems to have enough money to go out to eat at the drop of a dime, but suddenly becomes frugal when it’s time to tip the help? Yep. That’s me.
It’s funny, because I wasnt raised this way. I’m pretty sure both of my parents usually made an effort to tip, especially for good service. Actually, once I started going out on my own or with friends I used to always tip if I had some extra cash on me. I never followed the tipping 20% rule. Usually, I would just leave a dollar. Eventually, I realized that tipping wasn't mandatory.
Sure, it felt awkward at first, but eventually I became comfortable with saving that extra dollar. In my mind, it made a lot more sense to not tip. Then I would have more money to continue to eat out. It was just simple logic. I don’t go out to eat for the service; I go out because I don’t feel like cooking. If anything, the chef should get the tip. He is the one doing all the important work. He ain’t getting shit from me either, but I do recognize his effort silently.
What bothers me the most, is people trying to make me feel guilty for not tipping. For example, I took this chick out to eat on our first date. I wined and dined her at Applebee’s. (I know. Boss type shit.) Any way, I paid about $20 for our meals and left a $2 tip to make a good impression since she used to be a waittress. (I was feeling myself after that.)
I drove her home, got a kiss goodnight and then headed to the crib. I assumed there was going to be a second date, so I didn't feel the need to try and fuck that night. Once I got home she went off on me through a text talking about how it was rude/embarrassing to leave only a $2 tip.
This shit caught me off guard, to say the least. She went on a rant about how our waitress couldn’t do shit with $2.
The nerve of this bitch to complain about my tip after I just paid for our ENTIRE meal. Not to mention the gas I burned picking her up and dropping her ass off. On top of that, she didn't even have the courage to say all this while we were at the restaurant, let alone the car.
What really makes this shit crazy is the waittress didnt even deserve the tip I gave her. The bitch messed up my order twice. I responded with, “If you think she deserved more, then why didn’t you tip her something?” She responded with, “I left $3 on the table while you weren’t looking.” Now I’m confused. The last message sent was me saying, “So she ended up with a $5 tip. What’s the problem?”
I already know that a bunch of you are saying to yourself, “Don’t you know that most waiters rely on tips to support themselves?” My answer is yes, I do know that waiters and waitresses with with ugly faces don’t get paid much. Boo hoo. This is common knowledge. This means that people, before they apply for these jobs, know ahead of time that they won’t be paid much.
It’s very hard for me to feel sorry for someone in a bad situation that they put themself in. I don’t feel sorry for bullies who get killed. I don’t feel sorry for firemen who get burned. I don’t feel sorry for college grads who can’t pay their student loans. I don’t feel sorry for guilty criminals who get locked up. So I’m not going to feel sorry for a waiter who can’t support themself on $20 a day. You chose this life.
As far as I know, employees don’t get drafted to work their jobs. You fill out an application; you go to an interview; you go through orientation; you start working. No one held a gun to your head during that entire process. If you don't like your job, then fucking quit.
Personally, I’ve hated all my previous jobs. The work was bearable, but the paycheck was never enough. Guess what I did to solve the problem? I fucking quit and found a slightly better job. I've been repeating that process for years and I’ve noticed minor improvements. The work gets easier; the checks get bigger. I’m planning on quitting my current job and finding a better paying one in a few months.
If you are capable of finding work, then you are capable of finding better work. I’ve worked in the service industry for almost my entire working career, so I know what it’s like to deal with entitled customers, long hours and low pay. If a black man like me can make it out of that situation, then so can you. So you won’t be getting a tip or my sympathy.
First off, this is not a post about me coming out the closet. If anything, I'll have these hoes coming out of them draws once they find out how good of a writer I am. This is a religious coming out. To be more specific, this is historical documentation of me coming to terms with my lack of religious beliefs.
Let's go back-back in time. Growing up in a black household, I was pretty much indoctrinated into the Christian church. Church was a fairly big part of my childhood. We weren't super religious, though. My dad wasn't a deacon and my mom didn't go around throwing holy water on people. She was from the south, so her roots in the church were probably a lot deeper than my pops', who was from the east coast. This probably explains why he eventually stopped going to church with us.
I remember my mom waking me and my sister up early as hell every Sunday like it was a school day. I used to ask my mom why didn't my pops have to go to church. The best answer she could come up with is "Your father is grown. When you grown, you can do whatever you want to do." As a kid, that answer made a lot of sense. And I took it to heart.
I don't remember much about our first church, but I do remember it was Baptist and all black. All that means, is it was filled with a bunch of boujee old black people hooting and hollering and pretending to "catch the holy ghost." This is when I started hating church. Not only was I missing early morning cartoons, but I was always bored out of my mind. The only good thing that happened to me there was discovering Kirk Franklin. That nigga can make some good ass music. This was around kindergarten/1st grade.
Even though I hated church, I still believed in God and Jesus and all that other shit. I used to say grace before I ate and bedtime prayers before I slept. I even remember crying when I went to see House on Haunted Hill, because I thought God would be mad at me for watching it. That and it scared the shit out of me for some reason. I could watch any other scary movie just fine. That was the 1st time me and my pops left in the middle of a movie at the theaters. Looking back, I was acting like a little bitch, but I was young and didn't know any better. I'm sure my pops made fun of me after that.
In the 3rd grade, I decided to conduct an experiment to see if God was real. To be more specific, I wanted to test whether or not prayer changed anything. At this point, I was going to an all black Christian private school. I had just been put in detention for something. Probably talking in class. I was so afraid of my parents finding out. I probably was receiving an ass whooping every few weeks for something bad I did at school. This one would've been the worst one yet, though. I decided to pray as hard as I could. I asked God to protect my little ass from my pops' belt. I did my time in detention and my pops picked me up afterwards. My teacher never told my parents what happened.
It was a miracle! It was almost too good to be true. That was the 1st time I prayed for something and actually got it. I started thinking, though. Would the outcome have been the same whether I had prayed or not? I decided to test this by not praying any more. I wanted to see if my life would have any major changes if I stopped praying completely. My hypothesis checked out. I realized good things don't happen because you pray for them; they just randomly happen the same way bad things do. That's when I discovered that God was no different from Santa Claus. (Yeah, I was that kid telling all his friends Santa wasn't real.) In the 4th grade, I said fuck God and embraced atheism.
Fast forward to high school. I was really feeling myself back then. I was still apart of the parochial school system and had been attending a white Lutheran church up until freshman year. The Lutheran schools and churches had the best Christian teachings in my opinion. They were so sure that they were right that I was required to study not only Christianity, but every other major religion as if they weren't all essentially the same. The goal was to give me enough knowledge to defend my faith. All they had done for me was arm me with the knowledge to tear down any Christian theories.
My homeboys on my football team weren't big on debating religion, so they were no fun when it came to the topic. I wasn't arrogant enough to impose my lack of belief on my friends, however. They didn't even realize I was an atheist until around junior year. They were shocked initially, but by then our friendship was strong enough to overshadow what any of us believed. We would rather argue over who the best rapper was any way.
My teachers on the other hand, had a few things to say. They didn't find out I was atheist until my senior year. Ironically, I joined two gospel choirs that year. I figured it would help me get over my fear of singing in front of people. Plus I wanted to improve my singing technique. On top of that, the best singers are black church singers. On top of that, my girlfriend at the time was a choir director. I admired her pipes. She could really blow. And she had a fat booty.
Any way, back to my teachers. The 1st teacher that confronted me about my amazingly open mind was actually my religion teacher/football coach. Dude was super religious to the point where it seemed kind of creepy. Being a white guy with a thick ass pedophile mustache didn't help either. He called me into his office and we chatted for a little while. He asked why I didn't believe and I told him my 3rd grade detention story. He seemed pretty understanding. He told me prayer really does work and sent me on my way. I gained a little respect for him after that, just because he didn't try to force Jesus down my throat like I was expecting.
The 2nd teacher to confront me was my football/basketball coach. I respected him because he was black, smart, cool and he genuinely wanted to help young black men succeed in life. He confronted me in front of the class one day. I'm sure he heard about my beliefs from the 1st coach or a teammate. He asked me why I didn't believe. Instead of telling him my full story, I simply said, "The Bible is unbelievable." He then asked me, "Why don't you just believe just in case God is real?" Not only could I not believe in a god, but I couldn't believe this silly ass question he asked me. I then had to explain to him that I highly doubt his "all-knowing" God would fall for something so childish. I went on to tell him that I couldn't control my beliefs. If something seems wrong to me, I can't trick my brain into believing it's true.
(Damn, this is a long post)
Just like the 1st coach, he respected my choice and didn't bother to try and convert me. I appreciated that. However, I could tell that the teachers were talking about me at lunch whenever I walked by. I was more amused than embarrassed. I was actually proud to have my own set of ideas and beliefs. No one converted me out of my faith. I didn't turn my back on God because I was mad at him for allowing evil in the world. Every thought that made me question my faith originated from my own reasoning.
Even though I thought religion was bullshit, I actually liked studying it. I was fascinated with the amount of power it had over people and how the different religions related to each other. Plus the stories told in scriptures were pretty good. They reminded me of Greek theology, which I've always loved. Hercules and Xena were two of my favorite heroes growing up.(I don't think Xena was Greek, but she did have a relationship with Herc)
The one thing I enjoyed the most during my high school and college years, besides making music and getting butt, was arguing with people. Religion was the perfect thing to argue about, because:
1. People get emotional over the topic and emotions usually cause you to lose in a debate.
2. I knew more about other people's religions than they did, because I studied them for fun.
3. I used to be a religious person, so I can see things from a believer's perspective while predicting what arguments they'll use.
I was unbeatable. I especially had fun in college, because I went to school Mississippi. (Good old Bible belt state) They damn near hated atheists down there. While I was quite arrogant, I wasn't the type of atheist who walked around telling people their God is a figment of their imagination. As a matter of fact, I didn't even bring up my beliefs unless someone asked.
My friends in college were similar to my friends in high school. They didn't find out I was atheist until my junior year. It was a shock to them, but just like my high school homies, they looked past my beliefs because we were already good friends. I started to run into other like-minded people after my beliefs became more public.
My pops also found out about me being atheist around this time. He kind of shrugged it off like I was going through a phase. After I graduated, he realized I was serious. He kind off left hints here and there that there was a God. They weren't very good hints, though. I remember him giving me a DVD while saying "This will change your mind about God." it was basically some space documentary (paid for by some rich old white guy with an agenda) explaining how statistically improbable it was that earth was created, let alone capable of sustaining life. The documentary was actually well-made and gave some good info, but as you can see, I'm still a heathen.