engagement vs marriage
A wise man once said, "Getting married is like installing extra seatbelts in your car because you think that will add protection. But what if your car flips over and is about to explode? You have 10 seconds to get out. You just made it WAY harder on yourself to survive. Sure, you might have survived the initial crash, but no amount of seat belt is going to protect you from an explosion." That wise man was me.
Many people argue that this type of pessimism towards any relationship is unhealthy. I get responses like, "You shouldn't go into a relationship expecting it to fail. Etc etc. Blah blah blah." I get it. I understand where this way of thinking comes from. I'm sure that there are a bunch of studies showing how positive thinking can create an environment that breeds success. To some extent, I can agree with this ideology. In fact, optimism has helped me come a step closer to a few of my goals.
However, life is always in need of a healthy dose of pessimism. It helps keep you grounded in the real world that us adults are forced to live in every day. It also makes you acknowledge the facts. And the fact is, 90% of relationships fail. You want to know why? It's because it's damn near impossible to find that special someone on the first, second, third or even tenth try. Some might say it's even harder to keep that special someone around after you find them. But that's a topic for another blog.
The purpose of this post isn't to bash relationships; it's to bash marriage. Why? Because it serves no real purpose. As a matter of fact, it'll probably be the thing that ruins your relationship and that's IF you even make it to the engagement phase. But let's discuss that phase for a moment.
In my opinion, if you want a traditional monogamous relationship, your goal should be engagement and that's all. Sure, the normal way to get engaged is to propose a marriage, but let's look past that. What the engagement really signifies is both people are pledging themselves to one another. You are both agreeing that the courting/dating phase is over and you love each other enough to exclude the rest of the world from your relationship. There is also usually a ring involved to let outsiders know you are in a committed relationship.
Now, with that being said, what else do you really need out of that type of relationship? You have verbal commitment, a ring that symbolizes and makes others aware of said commitment, and the understanding that you are both on the same page. It's perfect. Like I said in a previous post, you can't improve perfection. Or some shit like that. So why would you fuck this perfection up by tacking on a marriage that isn't needed?
Everyone thinks they know the benefits of a marriage, so I'll tell you what it really does. If an engagement is the moment the relationship shuts out the rest of the world and both parties truly become the perfect pair, then a marriage is the event that opens the relationship back up to let other people in. Not to mention, you can't imagine the type of debt you'll be in after having a traditional wedding. (If you haven't paid off your student loans yet, hold on to that wedding money) Now, after opening your relationship to all the 1st person jumping in bed with you and yours is going to be the government.
When I say the government, I mean all the laws and restrictions that come with marriage. The law literally dictates how and when a married couple separates. Breakups are already stressful. Do you really want to have to hire a lawyer to leave someone? I get that you should be in the mind state of "forever," but be realistic. You are more likely to break up than you are to stay together.
Besides the government, you'll be inviting other people into your relationship during marriage. I get it. When you find that special someone, you want to let the world know that you're finally off the market for good. That makes sense, but don't your family and friends already know about your significant other? Especially if you guys are at this point in your relationship. There is really no need to invite everyone you know to a wedding they probably don't even want to attend. And if you need complete strangers to know you are in a relationship for some reason, that's what the ring is for. Or you can just tell them.
The other arguments I hear for pro marriage are religious reasons and the feeling of being the center of a huge wedding ceremony. First, if God is real, I doubt he cares that much about your marriage. From what I understand, he sees you as a pile of dust. As long as you love him more than the pile of dust you are in a relationship with, then he's satisfied. Second, if it has been your goal in life to have a wedding, for whatever girly reason, then be my guest. I'm not going to tell someone to give up on their goals. Just know that a wedding is one of the most selfish things you can ask for.
If you are being honest with yourself, you can admit that a wedding is nothing more than a sweet 16 party for adults. Personally, I hate big events, even if I'm the center of attention. A wedding makes you look like a spoiled brat. It's basically you telling people, "Hey, drop everything in your life, rent an expensive prom outfit and come spend your entire day congratulating me on finding a person who wants to fuck me for the next few years." But hey, if a wedding is on your bucket list, who am I to deny you the pleasure? Just make sure it's a wedding you can actually afford.
So, I googled the average cost of a wedding and it's just over $25k. But it also says most people spend less than $10k. That means that people are spending anywhere from $10k to $40k for a ceremony that last a few hours. This is the equivalent of finding everyone you are close/semi close to and giving them $100 to come judge your relationship. It's completely free to change your Facebook status from "in a relationship" to "married." With that kind of money, ya'll could put a down payment on a house that'll last way longer than your marriage will. Just something to think about.
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This will be the home of my random thoughts until you really do know the MuffynMan.