I see too many people doing dirt in the dumbest of ways. What I mean by this is I notice people doing things they know they shouldn't be doing, but they go about it in an illogical way. There are precautions that must be taken while doing wrong. There are also a few rules that should be followed.
1. Don't be obvious.
If you are doing something wrong and are attempting to not get caught, then it's needless to say don't make your intentions known. For example, if you plan on stealing something in a store, then don't hover around it while staring at the cashier. You look suspicious as fuck.
Most thieves spot what they want to steal then avoid going near it until they are sure no one is watching them. Store owners are aware of this, which is why they are suspicious of people (mainly teenagers and minorities) that walk around the store too long with buying anything.
The best way to steal from a store is the direct approach. Just walk in, grab it and walk out. Usually, this works best after scouting. You visit the store once or twice to learn the layout, see if there are any cameras and take note of busy hours. Then you come back, grab and go.
2. Make sure it's worth the risk.
This is pretty self explanatory. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. You win some and you lose some. You've heard it all. Just make sure your wins outweigh your losses. I'm not talking success rate. I'm saying you have to know whether or not the punishment of getting caught is worth whatever it is you are doing. Do the pros of your actions outweigh the cons? Do you stand to gain more than you stand to lose?
For example, when I was in college, niggas used to steal each other's game systems and laptops . (Xbox, Playstation) If you were caught doing this, the worst case scenarios are getting kicked out of school or fighting the nigga whose shit you stole.
A high end gaming console/laptop is worth $500- $1000 on average. You could easily sell these things and make a couple hundred dollars. If you spend a lot of time robbing niggas, then you probably don't care too much about getting a degree. Plus getting kicked out of one college won't stop you from attending another one. Also, my school was small enough to know whose shit you were stealing, so you knew ahead of time whether or not you could beat that person in a fight. The risks are fairly low compared to the reward.
Let's change the scenario a little bit. Let's say you want to steal the same product, but new. So you decide to steal a system/laptop from a Best Buy. Now the risks are a lot higher. If you get caught here, they are more than likely pressing charges. And stealing that type of product is going to get you a grand larceny offense. You're doing a couple years in jail, paying a few grand in fines or both. This time, the deed isn't worth the risk at all.
3. Timing is everything.
You can commit any crime or wrong doing and get away with it as long as it's done at the right time. In life, timing makes a huge difference in every decision you make.
Perfect example. My favorite word is "bitch." I can call my homeboys bitches all day cause we have that kind of relationship, but I can't do the same to my female friends (or any female) without getting cursed out or beat the fuck up. However, there was a small period of time when I could call anyone a bitch.
If you are older than 10 then I'm sure you remember the Chappelle Show. One of their most iconic episodes was the Rick James episode. The premise was Charlie Murphy sharing stories of how he used to hang out with Rick James, who was played by Dave Chappelle in a flashback sketch. The most memorable line from that episode was "I'm Rick James, bitch." For the next month, I could call anyone a bitch as long as I claimed my name was Rick James, first.
4. Have a backup plan if caught.
Obviously, the goal is to get away with something wrong without being caught, but there is always a chance that things don't go as smoothly as you planned. This is when you need to have a backup plan.
A backup plan can be something as simple as a lie you can tell to help you escape punishment. The funny thing is most people can tell you are lying, but if it's a good enough lie they'll be too afraid to call you on your bullshit. The one thing people hate more than liars is that awkward embarrassment they feel when they've accused someone of lying then later find out that person telling the truth.
For example, a buddy and I were out so late the sun started rising. We were broke and starving so we decided to drive to the closest hotel and help ourselves to a free continental breakfast. We got inside and could smell the food, but couldn't see it. We made the mistake of going to a nice hotel, so us being the only two niggas there kind of made us stand out.
One of the managers approached us and asked what we were doing there. For some reason my mind went completely blank. My homeboy told him we were interested in working there and we needed applications. (Damn, that was a perfect lie.) We actually did need jobs at this time and we definitely looked unemployed. He gave us 2 applications and we left.
5. Don't get cocky/sloppy.
After a little practice/luck you'll become quite successful at pulling off these stunts, but don't become too arrogant. The day you get cocky is the day you get caught. And it's not going to be because of karma. It'll be because you made a rookie mistake. When you become full of yourself you'll start to make mistakes you normally wouldn't make. You overlook certain things.
Cheating, for example. Not to sound arrogant, but I've successfully cheated on too many girls to count. However when you do it as much as I have, you are bound to get caught eventually. I remember one instance especially, because it could have been easily avoided. It was clearly a rookie mistake. A few of them, actually.
As usual, I had a chick hanging out at my crib. We just finished fucking and I had to go to the bathroom. First rookie mistake, was leaving my phone in the room. Second rookie mistake, was not having a lock on my phone. Third rookie mistake, was not clearing all call logs and text messages before she came over. At the time I had roommates, so when I left the bathroom I chatted with them for a few minutes. That was my fourth rookie mistake; not coming back in the room quick enough.
Of course, she couldn't help but go through my phone. Especially after I made it so easy for her. It had been a while since I was last caught up, so I was feeling invincible. Then it all came crashing down because I got careless. Remember, always keep your guard up no matter how good you are.
6. Be confident/oblivious.
This may sound contradictory to the last rule, but let me clarify what I'm saying. I'm saying you should commit to your actions. Whatever you are doing should come off as natural. So natural that it seems like you are completely oblivious to any wrong being done.
For example, years ago I was in a McDonald's. It was really busy and the cashiers were just taking people's names and writing it on their orders. When your order was ready, they would yell your name and set your food on the counter. I was waiting in the back of the line to order when I noticed a guy make an order then immediately go to the restroom. They called his name, I walked to the counter, grabbed his bag, said thank you and walked right out. No hesitation at all.
7. Don't snitch on yourself.
This should go without saying, but people talk too fucking much. If you do something and get away with it, shut up and be grateful. Don't go around bragging to your friends. You especially, don't brag to strangers. You never know who knows who. The only time telling on yourself is ok, is if there is no possible way it could come back to bite you in the ass.
For example, as a rapper, I sometimes rap about my life. But you'll never hear me rap about some shit that I did that could possibly be used against me in court. The only time I might even consider doing something like that is if I'm past the statute of limitations or I'm on my death bed.
A wise man once said, "Getting married is like installing extra seatbelts in your car because you think that will add protection. But what if your car flips over and is about to explode? You have 10 seconds to get out. You just made it WAY harder on yourself to survive. Sure, you might have survived the initial crash, but no amount of seat belt is going to protect you from an explosion." That wise man was me.
Many people argue that this type of pessimism towards any relationship is unhealthy. I get responses like, "You shouldn't go into a relationship expecting it to fail. Etc etc. Blah blah blah." I get it. I understand where this way of thinking comes from. I'm sure that there are a bunch of studies showing how positive thinking can create an environment that breeds success. To some extent, I can agree with this ideology. In fact, optimism has helped me come a step closer to a few of my goals.
However, life is always in need of a healthy dose of pessimism. It helps keep you grounded in the real world that us adults are forced to live in every day. It also makes you acknowledge the facts. And the fact is, 90% of relationships fail. You want to know why? It's because it's damn near impossible to find that special someone on the first, second, third or even tenth try. Some might say it's even harder to keep that special someone around after you find them. But that's a topic for another blog.
The purpose of this post isn't to bash relationships; it's to bash marriage. Why? Because it serves no real purpose. As a matter of fact, it'll probably be the thing that ruins your relationship and that's IF you even make it to the engagement phase. But let's discuss that phase for a moment.
In my opinion, if you want a traditional monogamous relationship, your goal should be engagement and that's all. Sure, the normal way to get engaged is to propose a marriage, but let's look past that. What the engagement really signifies is both people are pledging themselves to one another. You are both agreeing that the courting/dating phase is over and you love each other enough to exclude the rest of the world from your relationship. There is also usually a ring involved to let outsiders know you are in a committed relationship.
Now, with that being said, what else do you really need out of that type of relationship? You have verbal commitment, a ring that symbolizes and makes others aware of said commitment, and the understanding that you are both on the same page. It's perfect. Like I said in a previous post, you can't improve perfection. Or some shit like that. So why would you fuck this perfection up by tacking on a marriage that isn't needed?
Everyone thinks they know the benefits of a marriage, so I'll tell you what it really does. If an engagement is the moment the relationship shuts out the rest of the world and both parties truly become the perfect pair, then a marriage is the event that opens the relationship back up to let other people in. Not to mention, you can't imagine the type of debt you'll be in after having a traditional wedding. (If you haven't paid off your student loans yet, hold on to that wedding money) Now, after opening your relationship to all the 1st person jumping in bed with you and yours is going to be the government.
When I say the government, I mean all the laws and restrictions that come with marriage. The law literally dictates how and when a married couple separates. Breakups are already stressful. Do you really want to have to hire a lawyer to leave someone? I get that you should be in the mind state of "forever," but be realistic. You are more likely to break up than you are to stay together.
Besides the government, you'll be inviting other people into your relationship during marriage. I get it. When you find that special someone, you want to let the world know that you're finally off the market for good. That makes sense, but don't your family and friends already know about your significant other? Especially if you guys are at this point in your relationship. There is really no need to invite everyone you know to a wedding they probably don't even want to attend. And if you need complete strangers to know you are in a relationship for some reason, that's what the ring is for. Or you can just tell them.
The other arguments I hear for pro marriage are religious reasons and the feeling of being the center of a huge wedding ceremony. First, if God is real, I doubt he cares that much about your marriage. From what I understand, he sees you as a pile of dust. As long as you love him more than the pile of dust you are in a relationship with, then he's satisfied. Second, if it has been your goal in life to have a wedding, for whatever girly reason, then be my guest. I'm not going to tell someone to give up on their goals. Just know that a wedding is one of the most selfish things you can ask for.
If you are being honest with yourself, you can admit that a wedding is nothing more than a sweet 16 party for adults. Personally, I hate big events, even if I'm the center of attention. A wedding makes you look like a spoiled brat. It's basically you telling people, "Hey, drop everything in your life, rent an expensive prom outfit and come spend your entire day congratulating me on finding a person who wants to fuck me for the next few years." But hey, if a wedding is on your bucket list, who am I to deny you the pleasure? Just make sure it's a wedding you can actually afford.
So, I googled the average cost of a wedding and it's just over $25k. But it also says most people spend less than $10k. That means that people are spending anywhere from $10k to $40k for a ceremony that last a few hours. This is the equivalent of finding everyone you are close/semi close to and giving them $100 to come judge your relationship. It's completely free to change your Facebook status from "in a relationship" to "married." With that kind of money, ya'll could put a down payment on a house that'll last way longer than your marriage will. Just something to think about.
The other day, I was watching a video on YouTube. It was two brothers responding to an email from one of their viewers. The email was from a woman asking if men preferred a pretty face or a nice body. The two brothers both agreed that when it comes to appearance, body outweighs face. This has been one of the many topics discussed amongst the crew and I. I completely agree with the brothers.
I'm sorry to say this, ladies, but slapping on a pound of makeup does not make your waistline invisible. Now, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the woman that sent this email is fat. The main reason I make this assumption is because she asked such an insecure question. Women with nice bodies seem to forget they have ugly faces, therefore they generally have higher self-esteem then your typical butterface/cow. On top of that, no matter how beautiful a woman's face is, she will definitely feel insecure about her body if it's not up to par.
Now, let's break down why body is worth more than face in appearance currency. The most obvious reason is that your body makes up most of your appearance. Think about it. Compared to your face, your body is literally 90% of who you are physically. Since your body takes up more space than your face and can also be seen from farther away, it is normally the 1st thing people notice when they see you. Lastly, your body holds more weight than your face does. Not weight in pounds, but on an attractiveness scale.
Everyone knows about the attractiveness scale. Personally, I wish it was nationally standardized so rating people would be so much easier. But for those who rode the shortest of all buses, I'll briefly explain the scale. Everyone can be ranked, based on their appearance, on a scale of 1-10. Scoring a 1 means you were supposed to be aborted and scoring a 10 means you are out of everyone's league. With that being said, I can now explain how bodies are weighted more than faces.
Let's just say you have the most beautiful face anyone has ever seen, but you are 5'4 and weigh 400lbs. You get a 10 for the face and a 1 for your body. If face and body were weighted the same then overall you would score about 5. However in reality, that kind of breakdown would score you in the 2-3 range. Let's flip the stats and give you a 10 for body and 1 for face. Again, if face and body were weighted the same then overall you'd be about a 5, but surprisingly most guys would give you at least a 7 if not 8.
Some women probably want to know why men value body over face. It's simply because having a nice body is more impressive than having a pretty face. This goes for males and females. When I see someone that is clearly in good shape I assume they either have good genes or they workout. On the other hand, when I see a pretty face I don't really form any opinions about it. I don't care how good of a makeup artist you are, that's just not impressive to a guy.
Additionally, as a former bodybuilder, I respect a nice body because I know how much hard work it takes to achieve/maintain. Especially if you are genetically predisposed to looking like a potato. (like myself) You can't earn my respect with a pretty face, because true beauty is genetic. You didn't DO anything to get that face. (And I'm talking about women who look beautiful without makeup.) A truly beautiful face isn't just skin deep. It's based on your bone structure, how far apart your eyes are, how big your nose and forehead are, the symmetry of your face and ears, your teeth to gum ratio, the slope of your chin, the placement of your eyebrows and hairline, etc. You can't drastically change your face unless you get surgery.
Too many women are confused by how men think when they should actually put more focus on bettering themselves. If you truly want to make yourself attractive to the greater population, then stare in the mirror until you like what you see. Eventually you'll pick out all your flaws one by one and gradually fix all of them. Like most females, you'll never see yourself as a perfect 10, but who cares. Most guys aren't confident enough to exclusively approach 10s any way. All in all, if you want to become more attractive, put the makeup down and go to the gym.
This will be the home of my random thoughts until you really do know the MuffynMan.