I immediately lose respect for any man that cries around me. Period. I don’t care if your entire family was massacred right in front of you. I don’t care if you lost every dime of your money in the stock market. I don’t care if you walk in on your home boys running a train on your wife. I don’t care if your dick just got chopped off. I better not see one single tear. Because, at that point, not only are you a man with no dick, but you are also crying about it. You a bitch now.
What’s really sad, is how men try to compensate for their sadness by being overly aggressive. Niggas think they get a pass for successfully covering up their sadness with ridiculous amounts of anger. I’m sorry to say this, but we see right through you niggas. Give it up. While I do admit, I would rather see a nigga flipping tables, throwing chairs and punching holes in the wall than a nigga with tears running down his face. I would feel extremely uncomfortable to sit in a room with either. At the end of the day, both of ya’ll are bitch made in my eyes.
Personally, I hold these same standards to women as well. A lot of women think men look down on them, to a certain extent, because of the natural gap in physical strength. That may be partially true in some cases, but the main reason men feel superior to women is because women are known to be emotional. They are especially known to cry. Emotions create the allure of weakness. Weakness is hard for me to respect.
This isn’t even strictly a standard I place on adult males/females. The application of this “no crying” standard begins at age 10. If you are 10 years or older, there is no need for you to cry about anything. Ever. Kids are probably the most emotional beings on earth, which is probably why I hate them so much. I can see how that may seem like a harsh standard to place on a kid, but that’s around the time I had my last cry. And I can honestly say that learning to control my emotions from such a young age has greatly benefited my life.
Compared to the average person, I handle psychological trauma extremely well. A lot of people see my “lack” of emotions as unnatural, weird, crazy, robotic etc. I think that this level of control gives me an advantage. I don’t purposely break things that I later regret breaking. I don’t say things that I later regret saying. I don’t make situations worse out of pure frustration.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m completely emotionless. I feel all the same things you feel. The only difference is, you can’t gauge how I feel by the way I act. You’ll only know how I feel if I tell you. None of my actions are determined by my emotions. Every move I make is calculated and well thought out. The only emotion I can honestly say I struggle with on a daily basis is fear; the fear of becoming weak like you niggas. But even with that, you would have never known if I didn’t tell you.
In the past, I’ve had a handful of people accuse me of being weird because I don’t like kids. What kind of shit is that? In a society that persecutes pedophiles for liking kids WAY too much, how does it also make sense to chastise someone for wanting to have nothing to do with them at all?
There is a spectrum when it comes to children. On one end are the pedophiles, who love kids so much they want to fuck the shit out of them. On the other end, you have that fat lady from Matilda, who hates kids so much she wants to kill them. Based on this spectrum, I’m somewhere in the middle. And all you people who claim to love kids, you are only a few steps away from being a pedophile, according to this spectrum that is.
I know the title of this is “I Hate Kids,” but let me clarify. What I mean is, I hate being in the presence of children. There just isn’t anything beneficial about having a kid around. They are needy and annoying. Plus most of them are just mini versions of people I don’t fuck with. I don’t hate kids to the point where I want to cause them any harm. Their existence doesn’t necessarily bother me. I would just prefer that they are nowhere near me.
A lot of ya’ll are just putting on a front. You don’t like kids either. You just cant express how you really feel because you accidentally had one. And being a parent that hates kids is kind of a bad look in the eyes of society. Some of ya’ll take it too far, though. As if having a child made your life so much more fulfilling. Get that bullshit out of here. You know damn well your life got 10 times harder the day you found out you were having a kid.
That’s why its so hard for me to listen to parents tell me how they love their kid so much they couldn’t possibly live without them. Really?….Really? Your kid is going to be 99% of the reason why you die broke. I studied some economics and found out that the main reason the poor get poorer is because they have kids knowing damn well they can barely support themselves.
For all you parents who feel like your kids filled an empty void in your lives; you guys are pieces of shit. You don’t fill a void in your life with the life of another person, especially a person that you created. A kid is a reward to those who have become successful in life. This means if you ain’t shit, then spend all your disposable income on rubbers until you are fully capable of raising 10 kids at the same damn time.
One question I get from niggas is “Don’t you wanna pass on your legacy?” On one hand, I do, but my I’m a rapper. My legacy will live on through my music. Tupac didn’t need a kid to leave behind a legacy. He became great and made sure everyone knew how great he was before he died. On the other hand, I could give a fuck what happens after I die. It’s not like I’ll be able to enjoy people praising me when I no longer exist. Besides, in this day and age, the only real legacy people leave is what they post on social media. The average person isn’t important enough to have a real legacy to leave behind any way.
Consequence - the direct result of an action; usually negative.
Growing up, it never dawned on me that it’s quite honorable, even brave, to willingly accept the consequences of a wrong doing. On the other hand, I’ve never accused anyone running away from a consequence of being a coward. It’s a strange topic. At one point or another, we’ve all had to face the consequences of something we did wrong. But if given the opportunity, most of us would’ve completely avoided them all together.
Accepting the consequences of my actions was never a big deal to me. My parents raised me on the cause and effect system. If I did anything that caused them to get mad; the effect was me getting my ass whooped. It was easy to recognize when I deserved to be punished. What made it so easy was my ability to tell right from wrong. Everything was black and white to me; no middle gray area.
When you know you are doing something wrong, it’s easy to come to terms with the consequences. This is especially true when you know what the consequences are before hand. That’s how I gauge my actions. If the benefits of me getting away with something outweigh the negative aspects of me getting caught, then I just do it. Probability plays a huge role as well. If the chances of me getting caught are low enough, then I’ll damn near do anything if it benefits me directly. But if I get caught I’m not going to bitch about it.
For example, if I murder someone, I’m not going to be mad at the cops that catch me, the judge that sentences me or the prison that holds me. I’ll be pissed at myself for either committing the crime in the first place or not doing a better job of getting away with it. Don’t get me wrong, even after being proven guilty, I’ll deny that shit for as long as I can. I’m not going down without a fight.
The one thing I can’t tolerate is suffering the punishment for someone else’s actions. There is no way in hell I should have to pay for the wrong doings of someone else. I’m all about fairness and that shit just ain’t fair at all. And I know, “Life ain’t fair.” But fuck that. Why would I pay the price for an action that will only benefit someone else?
It all boils down to taking responsibility for your actions. Most bad things that happen to you are usually your fault. You were somewhere you shouldn’t be. You were with someone you shouldn’t have been with. You were doing something you shouldn’t have been doing. You were neglecting to do something that you should’ve been doing. I can’t feel sorry for you if you caused your own suffering. That’s why I never support the “Free (any rapper locked up)” campaign. If you are willing to do the crime, then do your time.
So I get a call today from some woman named, Pam. Turns out she was my pops’ wife. She tells me he died this morning at 3:09am, which I thought was oddly specific.
I was currently traveling and watching Netflix, so I couldn’t really think of a good response. Ironically, I had just finished the episode of Breaking Bad when Walter told his family he had cancer and was probably going to die soon. (spoiler) I just kind of murmured some jibberish then went silent. She said “Hello, did you hear me?” I really just wanted to say “Ok,” but instead respond with “Yeah, thanks for letting me know."
She lets me know that I am one of his beneficiaries, so there is some paperwork I need to fill out. She says she can mail them to me if I send her my address. She then asks if I have my sister’s number so she can tell her the news. I of course do not. Now that I think of it, I’ve never had her number. I never needed it.
Surprisingly, after I get off the phone with Pam, my sister texts me and asks if Pam told me everything. I respond with "Yeah.” She then asks me if I’m doing ok. It’s a weird as question coming from a younger sister, especially mine. I respond with another “Yeah.” She goes on to say that moms wants to talk to me and she asks if I want her to have my number. I don’t respond.
If you guys have been keeping up with my blog posts, then you know I haven’t spoken to my moms or sister in over 10 years. Same goes for the rest of the fam besides my pops and cousin Ray, who text me on occasion. Coincidentally, Ray text me right after my sister did. Followed by an aunt Val that I probably haven’t seen since I was in diapers.
They just wanted to give their support and condolences, which I understand. I also understand their lack of familiarity with someone of my nature. I am not weak like you humans. Trivial things, such as death, don’t bother me in the least. I’m not sad. I’m not depressed. I’m not one of you. Don’t patronize me as such. I’m good.
Even though I had a full ride through college, I still had to pay out-of-state fees. The fees were covered by student loans my pops took out in my name. I didn’t mind this, because he was paying them off. Since that is no longer the case, I’m a little annoyed that I’ll have to add these expenses on my plate.
I contemplated on whether or not I should post this, because I do not want a bunch of people I haven’t talked to in years to suddenly throw me a pity party filled with fake empathy. If you are reading this, please don’t bring this topic up around me. (you’re going to do it any way) All that does is put me in an awkward situation where I have to think of a good response to “Sorry for your loss.” The best thing you can do is to either act like this nigga ain’t dead or don’t bother me. Life moves on.
As I get older, I start to see the world for what it really is - a bunch of idiots. Since I graduated high school, I’ve probably had about 4 drinks and smoked 4-5 times. Drugs and alcohol don't appeal to me much, (especially alcohol) so I choose to abstain from such things. Not for any religious or health reasons, but because I simply don’t get any benefits from doing the shit.
I started smoking and drinking (and fucking) my sophomore year in high school. My mind was always focused on the future. It still is. Even back then, I knew how much adulthood would suck. I knew that eventually, I’d have to start taking life seriously and give up most of the things I enjoy in order to not turn out like a bum ass nigga. I prepared myself for this by experimenting with as many things as I could while I was young enough to recover from any bad side effects. I didn’t want to become the only crackhead in my class, so I limited myself to weed and liquor.
Weed was the 1st thing I tried. I didn't really have any huge expectations so it was neither disappointing nor impressive. It was just ok. Learning to blow a smoke ring was probably the most satisfying thing about it. I want to say it relaxed me, but I’ve only ever smoked in relaxing situations. Plus I’m naturally calm and nonchalant. This was definitely a group activity for me, because that was the only way I could smoke for free. Weed was never good enough for me to spend money on.
It was maybe about a month or so later when I started drinking. Me and a buddy used to steal bottles of liquor from the grocery store down the street from my crib. We would take it to one of our hang out spots and split it with anyone offering weed. Again, it’s hard to say if the alcohol really had any major affect on me. I never got sloppy drunk - just enough for a little buzz. Immediately, I knew drinking wasn’t for me. It was mainly because of the taste and the way drunk people act around me.
Since I didn’t like the taste or smell of alcohol that was easy to quit. Once niggas stopped offering me free smoke, weed was also easy to quit. On top of that, my moms was nagging me about getting a job and I knew I'd have to take a drug test eventually. I definitely didn’t want to give her another thing to bitch about. I got what I wanted out of the experience. I did let my friends talk me into trying both again just so I could prove a point that I really don’t get anything from being drunk or high.
Now to address the idiots. When I tell people I don’t smoke or drink, I get the same dumb ass response. “Then what do you do for fun?” This has to be on my top 5 most hated questions list. Right next to “Can I touch your dreads?”; “What’s wrong?” and “Can I borrow (any amount of money over $20)?”. I can’t even comprehend how someone could think this question isn’t stupid. As if smoking or drinking by themselves are inherently “fun” and no other entertaining activities exist. They act as if sober people aren’t capable of having a good time. What’s crazy, is we probably do the same shit for fun. I go to concerts, bowling, shooting, the club, hooping, working out, watching movies, cooking, hang out with friends, play games etc.
What I think they mean to ask me is, “What is your vice?” That’s a more intelligent question and my answer is simply, “Fucking.” That’s it. Fucking to me, is what smoking and drinking are to the general population. It’s my stress reliever. When I’ve had a long hard day at work, busting a nut is exactly what I need to take the edge off. Not to mention it’s free and burns calories.
You know that person that always seems to have enough money to go out to eat at the drop of a dime, but suddenly becomes frugal when it’s time to tip the help? Yep. That’s me.
It’s funny, because I wasnt raised this way. I’m pretty sure both of my parents usually made an effort to tip, especially for good service. Actually, once I started going out on my own or with friends I used to always tip if I had some extra cash on me. I never followed the tipping 20% rule. Usually, I would just leave a dollar. Eventually, I realized that tipping wasn't mandatory.
Sure, it felt awkward at first, but eventually I became comfortable with saving that extra dollar. In my mind, it made a lot more sense to not tip. Then I would have more money to continue to eat out. It was just simple logic. I don’t go out to eat for the service; I go out because I don’t feel like cooking. If anything, the chef should get the tip. He is the one doing all the important work. He ain’t getting shit from me either, but I do recognize his effort silently.
What bothers me the most, is people trying to make me feel guilty for not tipping. For example, I took this chick out to eat on our first date. I wined and dined her at Applebee’s. (I know. Boss type shit.) Any way, I paid about $20 for our meals and left a $2 tip to make a good impression since she used to be a waittress. (I was feeling myself after that.)
I drove her home, got a kiss goodnight and then headed to the crib. I assumed there was going to be a second date, so I didn't feel the need to try and fuck that night. Once I got home she went off on me through a text talking about how it was rude/embarrassing to leave only a $2 tip.
This shit caught me off guard, to say the least. She went on a rant about how our waitress couldn’t do shit with $2.
The nerve of this bitch to complain about my tip after I just paid for our ENTIRE meal. Not to mention the gas I burned picking her up and dropping her ass off. On top of that, she didn't even have the courage to say all this while we were at the restaurant, let alone the car.
What really makes this shit crazy is the waittress didnt even deserve the tip I gave her. The bitch messed up my order twice. I responded with, “If you think she deserved more, then why didn’t you tip her something?” She responded with, “I left $3 on the table while you weren’t looking.” Now I’m confused. The last message sent was me saying, “So she ended up with a $5 tip. What’s the problem?”
I already know that a bunch of you are saying to yourself, “Don’t you know that most waiters rely on tips to support themselves?” My answer is yes, I do know that waiters and waitresses with with ugly faces don’t get paid much. Boo hoo. This is common knowledge. This means that people, before they apply for these jobs, know ahead of time that they won’t be paid much.
It’s very hard for me to feel sorry for someone in a bad situation that they put themself in. I don’t feel sorry for bullies who get killed. I don’t feel sorry for firemen who get burned. I don’t feel sorry for college grads who can’t pay their student loans. I don’t feel sorry for guilty criminals who get locked up. So I’m not going to feel sorry for a waiter who can’t support themself on $20 a day. You chose this life.
As far as I know, employees don’t get drafted to work their jobs. You fill out an application; you go to an interview; you go through orientation; you start working. No one held a gun to your head during that entire process. If you don't like your job, then fucking quit.
Personally, I’ve hated all my previous jobs. The work was bearable, but the paycheck was never enough. Guess what I did to solve the problem? I fucking quit and found a slightly better job. I've been repeating that process for years and I’ve noticed minor improvements. The work gets easier; the checks get bigger. I’m planning on quitting my current job and finding a better paying one in a few months.
If you are capable of finding work, then you are capable of finding better work. I’ve worked in the service industry for almost my entire working career, so I know what it’s like to deal with entitled customers, long hours and low pay. If a black man like me can make it out of that situation, then so can you. So you won’t be getting a tip or my sympathy.
This will be the home of my random thoughts until you really do know the MuffynMan.