First off, this is not a post about me coming out the closet. If anything, I'll have these hoes coming out of them draws once they find out how good of a writer I am. This is a religious coming out. To be more specific, this is historical documentation of me coming to terms with my lack of religious beliefs.
Let's go back-back in time. Growing up in a black household, I was pretty much indoctrinated into the Christian church. Church was a fairly big part of my childhood. We weren't super religious, though. My dad wasn't a deacon and my mom didn't go around throwing holy water on people. She was from the south, so her roots in the church were probably a lot deeper than my pops', who was from the east coast. This probably explains why he eventually stopped going to church with us.
I remember my mom waking me and my sister up early as hell every Sunday like it was a school day. I used to ask my mom why didn't my pops have to go to church. The best answer she could come up with is "Your father is grown. When you grown, you can do whatever you want to do." As a kid, that answer made a lot of sense. And I took it to heart.
I don't remember much about our first church, but I do remember it was Baptist and all black. All that means, is it was filled with a bunch of boujee old black people hooting and hollering and pretending to "catch the holy ghost." This is when I started hating church. Not only was I missing early morning cartoons, but I was always bored out of my mind. The only good thing that happened to me there was discovering Kirk Franklin. That nigga can make some good ass music. This was around kindergarten/1st grade.
Even though I hated church, I still believed in God and Jesus and all that other shit. I used to say grace before I ate and bedtime prayers before I slept. I even remember crying when I went to see House on Haunted Hill, because I thought God would be mad at me for watching it. That and it scared the shit out of me for some reason. I could watch any other scary movie just fine. That was the 1st time me and my pops left in the middle of a movie at the theaters. Looking back, I was acting like a little bitch, but I was young and didn't know any better. I'm sure my pops made fun of me after that.
In the 3rd grade, I decided to conduct an experiment to see if God was real. To be more specific, I wanted to test whether or not prayer changed anything. At this point, I was going to an all black Christian private school. I had just been put in detention for something. Probably talking in class. I was so afraid of my parents finding out. I probably was receiving an ass whooping every few weeks for something bad I did at school. This one would've been the worst one yet, though. I decided to pray as hard as I could. I asked God to protect my little ass from my pops' belt. I did my time in detention and my pops picked me up afterwards. My teacher never told my parents what happened.
It was a miracle! It was almost too good to be true. That was the 1st time I prayed for something and actually got it. I started thinking, though. Would the outcome have been the same whether I had prayed or not? I decided to test this by not praying any more. I wanted to see if my life would have any major changes if I stopped praying completely. My hypothesis checked out. I realized good things don't happen because you pray for them; they just randomly happen the same way bad things do. That's when I discovered that God was no different from Santa Claus. (Yeah, I was that kid telling all his friends Santa wasn't real.) In the 4th grade, I said fuck God and embraced atheism.
Fast forward to high school. I was really feeling myself back then. I was still apart of the parochial school system and had been attending a white Lutheran church up until freshman year. The Lutheran schools and churches had the best Christian teachings in my opinion. They were so sure that they were right that I was required to study not only Christianity, but every other major religion as if they weren't all essentially the same. The goal was to give me enough knowledge to defend my faith. All they had done for me was arm me with the knowledge to tear down any Christian theories.
My homeboys on my football team weren't big on debating religion, so they were no fun when it came to the topic. I wasn't arrogant enough to impose my lack of belief on my friends, however. They didn't even realize I was an atheist until around junior year. They were shocked initially, but by then our friendship was strong enough to overshadow what any of us believed. We would rather argue over who the best rapper was any way.
My teachers on the other hand, had a few things to say. They didn't find out I was atheist until my senior year. Ironically, I joined two gospel choirs that year. I figured it would help me get over my fear of singing in front of people. Plus I wanted to improve my singing technique. On top of that, the best singers are black church singers. On top of that, my girlfriend at the time was a choir director. I admired her pipes. She could really blow. And she had a fat booty.
Any way, back to my teachers. The 1st teacher that confronted me about my amazingly open mind was actually my religion teacher/football coach. Dude was super religious to the point where it seemed kind of creepy. Being a white guy with a thick ass pedophile mustache didn't help either. He called me into his office and we chatted for a little while. He asked why I didn't believe and I told him my 3rd grade detention story. He seemed pretty understanding. He told me prayer really does work and sent me on my way. I gained a little respect for him after that, just because he didn't try to force Jesus down my throat like I was expecting.
The 2nd teacher to confront me was my football/basketball coach. I respected him because he was black, smart, cool and he genuinely wanted to help young black men succeed in life. He confronted me in front of the class one day. I'm sure he heard about my beliefs from the 1st coach or a teammate. He asked me why I didn't believe. Instead of telling him my full story, I simply said, "The Bible is unbelievable." He then asked me, "Why don't you just believe just in case God is real?" Not only could I not believe in a god, but I couldn't believe this silly ass question he asked me. I then had to explain to him that I highly doubt his "all-knowing" God would fall for something so childish. I went on to tell him that I couldn't control my beliefs. If something seems wrong to me, I can't trick my brain into believing it's true.
(Damn, this is a long post)
Just like the 1st coach, he respected my choice and didn't bother to try and convert me. I appreciated that. However, I could tell that the teachers were talking about me at lunch whenever I walked by. I was more amused than embarrassed. I was actually proud to have my own set of ideas and beliefs. No one converted me out of my faith. I didn't turn my back on God because I was mad at him for allowing evil in the world. Every thought that made me question my faith originated from my own reasoning.
Even though I thought religion was bullshit, I actually liked studying it. I was fascinated with the amount of power it had over people and how the different religions related to each other. Plus the stories told in scriptures were pretty good. They reminded me of Greek theology, which I've always loved. Hercules and Xena were two of my favorite heroes growing up.(I don't think Xena was Greek, but she did have a relationship with Herc)
The one thing I enjoyed the most during my high school and college years, besides making music and getting butt, was arguing with people. Religion was the perfect thing to argue about, because:
1. People get emotional over the topic and emotions usually cause you to lose in a debate.
2. I knew more about other people's religions than they did, because I studied them for fun.
3. I used to be a religious person, so I can see things from a believer's perspective while predicting what arguments they'll use.
I was unbeatable. I especially had fun in college, because I went to school Mississippi. (Good old Bible belt state) They damn near hated atheists down there. While I was quite arrogant, I wasn't the type of atheist who walked around telling people their God is a figment of their imagination. As a matter of fact, I didn't even bring up my beliefs unless someone asked.
My friends in college were similar to my friends in high school. They didn't find out I was atheist until my junior year. It was a shock to them, but just like my high school homies, they looked past my beliefs because we were already good friends. I started to run into other like-minded people after my beliefs became more public.
My pops also found out about me being atheist around this time. He kind of shrugged it off like I was going through a phase. After I graduated, he realized I was serious. He kind off left hints here and there that there was a God. They weren't very good hints, though. I remember him giving me a DVD while saying "This will change your mind about God." it was basically some space documentary (paid for by some rich old white guy with an agenda) explaining how statistically improbable it was that earth was created, let alone capable of sustaining life. The documentary was actually well-made and gave some good info, but as you can see, I'm still a heathen.
I can easily say that love is the opposite of hate. To me, hate is more identifiable than love is. Hate is easy and naturally flows through you. Most of us have or know something/someone that we absolutely hate and a lot of people claim to have many "haters."
Just like "love," the word "hate" is thrown around so much that it doesn't have any real meaning. For example, I love Chinese food and hate coffee. Now, do I truly love Chinamen to the point that I couldn't live without eating it? Or do I absolutely despise every single Starbucks that God has allowed to plague this earth? Of course not, but if you ask me about them my response will be, "I love Chinese food and hate coffee."
My definition of love seems simple and vague, but my definition of hate brings clarity to what I deem as true love. True hate, in my definition, is to wish death on someone. When people say they hate someone they usually limit their hate to extreme suffering. They rather see their enemies suffer than die. While seeing someone I absolutely hate suffering tragic agony is a wonderful thing, I still need them to die in order to be completely satisfied. If I hate you, I don't want to ruin your life; I want to end it. Point, blank, period. This is why I laugh when people talk about how many "haters" they have. Trust me. If you really have haters, you won't be alive long enough to complain about them.
Many people confuse "like" and "dislike" with "love" and "hate." The terms "like" and "dislike" aren't as heavy. You'll look out for the well-being of someone you "like," but you won't die for them. You'll enjoy the suffering of someone you "dislike," but you won't kill them.
So, now that I have defined hate, you have a better understanding of how I define love. I know how many short buses there are, so I'll break this down as simply as possible. If you want to see the ones you hate die, then you want to see the ones you love live (not die). I would even go as far as saying that you would die in order for a loved one to live. That's where a lot of people draw the line. You say you love someone, but aren't willing to die for them. This kind of puts things in perspective for all of you who said "I love you" to a significant other and they didn't say it back. Maybe their definition of love carries more weight than yours does, (cough) ladies.
I probably struck a nerve for some of you. Now, you have to reconsider which friends and relatives you REALLY love. You could argue that there are different levels of love. You could even argue that love is how you FEEL about someone and not what you DO for them. In that case, you have an excuse to not lay your life down for a loved one. You could say that you love yourself more than you love anyone else, therefore allowing yourself to die for the sake of another is absolutely off the table. Or maybe your FEAR of death outweighs your love for them. In that case, fear is a stronger emotion than love is.
This would explain why so many people are afraid to fall in love. They are afraid of heartbreak. They are afraid of commitment. They are afraid their love will be taken advantage of. They are afraid of proving their love or having their love tested. These fears are legitimate, because they emotionally based. Our fear is just as primal as our hate is. This is how we humans survived long enough to evolve into what we are today. We learned to hate what we fear, so our response is to run away until we gain the courage to kill. Our fear and hatred has kept us alive. What has love done for you lately?
They say actions speak louder than words and I agree. That's why telling someone you love them is meaningless unless you can prove it. However, the only way to prove you love someone, according to my definition, is to die for them. People (females) get too caught up in hearing the words, "I love you." Love has a beginning and an end. Loving someone doesn't start when you say it; it starts when you feel it. And when that feeling fades away; that's when it ends. So save your love at first site bullshit. I highly doubt you are willing to die for a beautiful stranger.
Females seem to think they have more in common with us than reality permits. Yes, we all eat, sleep, fuck and shit, but that's where the similarities between us end. Stop thinking you can get inside our heads and automatically know how we feel towards you or anything else. It's annoying and sad.
I've been told countless times by millions of females that they have some good pussy. (Sigh) First of all, what does that even mean? You assume your definition of "good pussy" is the same as ours. According to female qualifications, good pussy is:
You wash your ass every day, maybe even twice a day. You keep the bush trimmed or even better, non-existent. Your pussy doesn't stink and it tastes like water.
Many niggas wouldn't mind fucking you in the ass. I don't care how dirty your pussy is; it can't be worse than your asshole.
Now, I don't know what circumference pussy should be, but I'm assuming hoes stick something small in there (like a finger) and make sure it touches all 4 walls.
Generally speaking, pussies are pretty resilient. If it can bounce back from popping out a baby, I doubt tightness is an issue for any man unless he's Asian.
3. Wet (drip, drip....drip)
Biologically, all pussy can get wet. That's what pussies do. How wet is wet, though? What level of wetness makes a pussy above average? Would Auqaman have to bring scuba gear just in case? I'm assuming wet to a female means you can stick anything in there, no matter how big, and it will come out covered in pussy juice on all sides.
Like I said, all pussies get wet. If it's not wet enough, a nigga will not hesitate to spit on it a few times.
4. Receives No Complaints
None of the men you fucked have ever told you that you had bad pussy.
(Long Sigh) I have never....in my entire life....ever, ever, ever, EVER....heard a nigga complain about some pussy. This has to be the #1 response I get from females when I ask "How do you know your pussy good?" If anything, niggas complain about the owner, not the pet. Historically, women aren't good at accepting constructive criticism. Even if you had bad pussy, no nigga would tell you. They would just tell the homeboys. (to spare your feelings of course) I don't care if multiple niggas told you that you were the best they ever had. Since when are niggas known to tell a female the truth?
5. Overly Pleasing
So, most of the guys you fucked came too early. Congrats.
These seems like a pretty undesirable trait, but I hear so many chicks brag about it. Guys come quick for a number of reasons. None of which have anything to do with how good your pussy is. More than likely, the guy is hypersensitive and cums quick with every chick. Or you could just be a super bad bitch. The more attractive you look; the quicker we nut. Science.
So you dumped your boyfriend, keyed his car, garnished his checks for child support, fucked his brother and told the cops he hit you and got him sent to prison. As soon as he gets out, he texts you and says you guys should get back together.
Niggas do stupid shit sometimes. You might be attracted to obsessive/crazy guys. Maybe, you have the softest bed he's ever fucked in. Maybe, he got kicked out his crib and needs a place to spend the night. Maybe, he left his favorite pair of basketball shorts at your crib. Maybe, he just wants to spend time with his kid. Niggas ain't coming back JUST for pussy.
Now, what do we men consider good pussy? Here is our list of criteria:
1. It's a pussy
To be more specific, it's a hole we can stick our dick in. Whether it be a pussy, ass, mouth or your best friend's pussy; it's all the same. That's it. Sure, we appreciate good hygiene, grooming and natural lubrication, but at the end of the day, all pussy is good pussy.
We clearly have different definitions of "good." Let me break it down even farther. The term "good" implies that "better" exists. For example, if a chick with "bad" pussy can somehow make it gradually "better," then over time it could become "good" pussy. This seems logical, but you can't make pussy "better." It's just a hole. It's already good at being a hole. This should come as a relief for all you females who think you have "bad" pussy. What you can make better, however, is your head game. Your pussy doesn't have teeth, so there is nothing in there that my dick has to dodge. I would give you ladies some tips on how to improve your dick sucking skills, but the only advice I have is LESS TEETH.
The only thing that can make your pussy "bad" is everything else that comes with it. Like your attitude, unwillingness to explore, lack of sexual experience, shyness, kids, baby daddy, emotions, family, how much you run from the dick, how much you nag me, the neighborhood I have to pick you up from, how far away you live, how long you make me wait for it, the amount of money I spend on our 1st date, etc.
Growing up, it was very common to hear girls talking about how they wanted to wait until they were married to have sex. I, being the practical thinker I am, always thought that was an immature/unrealistic goal. If you are abstinent due to religious beliefs, then good for you. Actually, I’m not too fond of religion, but I’ll save that topic for another post. So for the sake of this topic, I’ll leave the religious aspect out of it.
I hate to bash a certain way of thinking without first seeing things from an opposite perspective, so let's dive into this realm of thought. I've never met a guy who purposely chose to abstain from sex until he was married, so first I'll have to put myself in the shoes of a female. This will be a challenge for me, because of my big ass feet.
If I were born and raised as a female with my current parents, then I assume I'd be a lot like my little sister. It's actually kind of hard for me to imagine how she thinks, because we were never close and haven't spoken in over 10 years. I feel like a lot of my psychological traits and intelligence would be retained. With that being said, I'd probably be a slut psychologically while having a pretty conservative sex life.
I say this because my parents didn't smoke or drink, but there was a nice amount of porn around the house. Additionally, they preached about not bringing home any babies or doing drugs. Even though i tried both smoking and drinking, neither of those vices appealed to me. Sex, on the other hand, damn near consumed my life, especially in high school and college. I say that I'd be a slut psychologically, because I'd be very open about my sex life and sexual preferences. This may be the man in me superimposing himself over my hypothetical female self, but I would've probably been bisexual as a female. I have too many female friends who find the female body attractive. While most of them identify as straight, many of them are openly bi/gay. I doubt I would feel any different as a female.
Even though sex would be a huge part of my life, I wouldn't have as much as people would expect. Mainly, because I was so afraid of getting a girl pregnant and having my life ruined. That fear would definitely remain constant. Probably even more so as a chick. I understand that birth control is a viable option, but I doubt my parents would've supported that in high school. And fuck condoms. In college I would've been DTF, cause I'd pay for the birth control myself. That underlying fear would still be in the back of my mind, though.
Any way, I say all that to say this. There is no good reason (as a female) to make a guy wait for sex if there is a mutual sexual attraction and you are BOTH READY to fuck. I don’t care what reason you give me. I’ll immediately shoot it down and call it stupid. Here are a few reasons why females make niggas wait to get the draws:
1. You assume that a guy who is willing to wait isn’t only interested in fucking.
I have no idea where women got this shit from. Probably some Think Like a Man bullshit. Personally, if you make me wait too long, I’ll put your ass in the friend zone if I truly like you. If I am only interested in sex, I don’t have a problem waiting for pussy as long as I have other hoes to preoccupy me in the meantime. I’ve had females that made me wait an entire year before they let me hit. I didn’t mind, because I always had access to chicks who only made me wait a few days, if at all. The sooner we fuck, the sooner you find out my true intentions.
2. You think the sex will be more meaningful if you are married.
First off, marriage is a joke. Second, even if you guys do wait until marriage, both of you are going to regret what you missed out on while signing those divorce papers. Plus sex is just sex. If you require a strong emotional connection to fully enjoy it, that’s cool. You should be able to do that long before the marriage phase, though. And why would you wait until you are bound together by law to see if the sex was even worth the wait?
3. You don’t want to feel used.
Neither do we, bitch, but that’s what relationships are. It’s just two people using each other for personal gain. Let’s say we don’t have sex EVER, but we still sustain a successful relationship. We are still using each other to gain some sort of personal gratification. It’s human nature to care more about yourself than the rest of the world. I might value your intelligence, but if I find a bitch that’s just as attractive AND smarter than you, then our relationship becomes obsolete. The company you work for uses your labor to make millions of dollars while only giving you a tiny ass paycheck every week. Vice versa, you use your company to pay bills while doing a half-ass job at work. We are all being used in some way. Grow the fuck up.
4. You want him to think you are different from the basic bitches who fuck on the 1st date.
When I am in a relationship, the only difference between my girlfriend and my female friends is that I’m not fucking my friends. Females can’t seem to grasp this concept. If we ain’t fucking, then we are just friends. That means you aren’t any different than the basic bitches I come across on a daily basis. I once had a female friend tell me that she doesn’t do one night stands, because she doesn’t want the guy to think she is a hoe. This logic makes no fucking sense. If you know you’ll never see this guy again, why the fuck do you care what he thinks of you? Get your nut and move on.
5. You assume he will immediately lose interest after banging them cheeks.
I already stated this earlier, but I’ll say it again. The sooner you fuck, the sooner you find out his true intentions. Don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying you should fuck a guy just to see if he really likes you. I’m saying there is no harm in you getting an orgasm before receiving the good/bad news. If he genuinely cares about you after beating them walls, congratulations, start sucking his dick; he earned it. If he completely blows you off afterwards, oh well, at least you don’t have to wonder any more. You just saved time by not pursuing a relationship doomed to fail. Now, you can move on to the next nigga. Be aware however, there is a strong possibility that he really wanted to pursue a long-term relationship with you, but your pussy was trash. Or maybe you can’t suck a good dick. A lot of times that’s a deal breaker for guys. You can’t blame a nigga for having standards. Step your pussy/head game up bitch.
6. You don’t want to have any regrets the next day.
I guess I can understand this one. I usually have regrets about being a gentleman and not aggressively attacking the pussy, but there have been times when I did get it and regretted it. My regrets usually come from pregnancy scares. Sometimes the booty wasn’t worth all the work I put in. At the end of the day, you can’t let fear run your life. I rather regret doing something than never knowing what could’ve been.
7. You are on your period.
Surprisingly, a lot of niggas don’t care. I can understand your hesitation if your man is a Crip. If your man don’t give a fuck; you shouldn’t either. Gone head a ruin them sheets. Just buy that nigga red sheets for his bday.
8. You know your worth.
This is such a cop out response. It’s like saying “Jesus” is the answer to everything. (2+2= not Jesus) Look, worth isn’t determined by the seller. It’s determined by the buyer. Let’s say you think your pussy is worth $1million, but the highest offer you’ve ever received was $5. That means you walking around with some $5 dollar pussy. Do you know why bitches love Beyonce’ so much? It’s because she’s been sitting on some $1million pussy her whole life. Niggas don’t even attempt to one night Queen B. Do you want to know why niggas treat you the way they do? Because you ain’t that bitch that you think you are. You played yourself. (DJ Khaled voice)
9. You think withholding sex gives you power in the relationship.
I admit that pussy is quite powerful, but it’s power is limited. Men could just as easily play the sex deprivation games you play. I once had an ex tell me “You wear the pants in this relationship, but I control the zipper.” It was a clever quote, but the arrogance of it kind of pissed me off. I felt like a parent and one of my kids was talking shit to me. One of my favorite comedians said this. “Sex don’t start until dick get hard and it ends when dick gets soft.” I always liked this quote, because it’s true. As a female. No matter how bad you want sex from a guy, you aren’t getting any until he gets hard. And the sex ends when he decides to nut. Besides the physical aspect of power, true power in a relationship belongs to the one with the least amount of emotions invested. By default, men usually fall in that category due to our “lack of emotions.” Women actually put themselves at a disadvantage, because they crave an emotional foundation to fully enjoy sex. This isn’t true for ALL females, but for the majority, tough luck.
10. You just aren’t ready.
[There is no good reason (as a female) to make a guy wait for sex if there is a mutual sexual attraction and you are BOTH READY to fuck.]
I know I stated this earlier in the post, but bitches don’t pay attention to details when being proven wrong. This entire post is based on a hypothetical situation in which you ARE READY, but are holding yourself back for girl reasons.
11. You want to build a genuine connection.
Understandable. Building a strong connection does lead to a healthy sex life. It also makes it harder to let go of an unhealthy relationship. Most people don’t realize they are in an unhealthy relationship until after they’ve had sex. No matter how strong your connection is before sex, that doesn’t mean anything if you end up not being a good match for each other. You guys might not even be sexually compatible. You might be into shit that he thinks is gross or vice versa. But what if you are a perfect match? A lot of the time, that’s something you can feel on the 1st date.
12. You want to see a guy work for the pussy.
This is kind of like overestimating your worth. I get that you want to see a guy put in 110% effort, but you’ll never see that effort if you aren’t working just as hard. What makes you think a guy will go all out for you if you’re still not even sure if he’s worth fucking? You only get what you give. Bitches put their pussy on a pedestal and act like it’s a prize to be won. That only leads to guys objectifying you even more than they already do. Guys like a challenge, SOMETIMES. If your favorite restaurant made you run 10 miles before they served you; you would eat somewhere else. Let’s say you take them up on their challenge, though. After that run, you’re going to be expecting the best meal you’ve ever had. Think about your level of disappointment when they bring out a meal you could get anywhere else. All I know is, if you make me do $1million worth of work; you better not try to pay me with some $5 pussy.
13. You are worried about your body count.
This has to be a psychological thing, because no one is going to know how many dicks you’ve been through unless you tell them. As a female, you probably care at least a little about how society views you. If you would let society hinder your love life, you’re hopeless. Let’s say fucking more than 9 guys makes you a hoe in the eyes of society. Who cares if your true love is guy #10? So you don’t want to have to fuck 10 guys to find that 1. I get it, but what if that’s what it takes? What if no matter how long you make a guy wait, you are destined to end up with guy #10? Making each guy wait a couple weeks or a couple months is going to eat up more of your time than it has to. Females like to complain about guys “wasting” their time. While you’re making guy #9 wait on some pussy he don’t really need because he is still fucking girls #30-35 you could’ve been moved on to guy #10.
No seriously, me and my niggas need to know where they are. Unless you’d prefer we waste YOUR time with our sexually motivated antics. Why are females so reluctant to literally point men in the direction of some hoes? I get that it may be demeaning to your fellow female comrades, but if they truly are slutty enough to be anointed with the title of “hoe”, then set them out to the homies. After all, a real hoe wouldn’t mind if you sent some dick her way.
I’ve been told by some of my female friends that some of their friends and family members are hoes, but they don’t feel comfortable giving names. This leads me to a couple of conclusions:
1. The hoes they know are shy hoes and would be embarrassed if their close friend or relative told everybody.
2. These females are selfish. Even though they aren’t partaking in this free penis, they don’t want a hoe they know personally to get any either.
3. They don’t approve of the hoish lifestyle and refuse to partake in the support of it.
4. Her hoe friends/relatives have a particular taste in men and the nigga asking the question doesn’t fit the criteria.
These seem like solid reasons to not tell a nigga where the hoes at, but let’s debunk these excuses one at a time.
(1H) Most hoes ain’t shy. They are generally extroverts and go after the dick they want. Additionally, the hoes that are shy have it the hardest, especially if they aren’t 7s or higher. Shy hoes rely on the dick approaching them, because that severely lowers the risk of their pussy being rejected. So, by denying your hoe friend access to willing cock, you are just making her life harder.
(2H) You just being a cockblock because you jealous. What’s bad about this, is you secretly want to be a hoe but don’t have the courage or you are jealous about the amount of joy your hoe friend gets out of life in comparison to yourself.
(3H) I get that you don’t want to support the hoish lifestyle. What I don’t get, is why you would associate with a hoe if you feel so strongly about how they live? If I absolutely couldn’t stand to support homosexuality, I wouldn’t have any gay friends or claim any of my gay relatives. So, if you have hoe friends and aren’t willing to help them get some dick, then that makes you a horrible friend.
(4H) You may think you know what kind dudes your hoe friend likes, but bitches change their mind all the time. I’ve had sex with plenty of chicks that wouldn’t normally fuck a guy that looks/talks/acts/thinks like me, but I still got them draws. This just goes to show that not even hoes know who they want to fuck, until they are fucking them.
(5H) Another reason you should set them hoes out is to clean up the dating pool. If all the guys who only want to fuck are busy fucking, then that makes it easier for you to pick from the guys that are left. Unless, you fear that there will be no guys left to pick from if they all have access to easy pussy. OR maybe you like a challenge. You just love it when you start dating a guy that seems like he could be the one. You find out that you both have a lot in common and your life goals coincide with one another. You decide to put months of your time and effort into building a firm relationship. You even fall in love with him. Then after you give up the ass a few times, he bounces because some new booty came along. Or better yet, he doesn’t even bother to dump you for another woman. He just fucks you both until he gets caught. It must be fun to have your heart broken, because you decided to play the dating game on level 10. So I ask again.
Where the hoes at?
1. Only spend money on payday
Out of all the financial tips I’ve come across; this is the most helpful. Most people get into financial trouble because of debt. The easiest way to get into debt is to spend money you don’t have. Limiting your purchases to only the days when you make money will train you to have self control. On top of that, you’ll have less opportunities to spend, which increases the amount of money you keep in your pocket.
2. Always know what you have in the bank
In a world of direct deposit and autopay, it’s easy to forget to check your account balance. I used to have the mentality that if all my bills were getting paid then there was no need to know what’s in my account. I admit that there is a little anxiety that comes with knowing exactly how much money you have TODAY. No one wants to check their account and see that they are far poorer than they thought. The next step will help with that anxiety though.
3. Write down all your expenses
This is key to managing your money, because you can’t budget unless you know how much money you have left after you pay expenses. This also puts things into perspective. You’ll realize that your Netflix subscription, gym membership, cable bill, and fast food diet really add up. You’ll also become aware of things you didn’t even know you were paying for, like that Amazon Prime subscription you never used after your 30 day trial expired. Just make a balance sheet. It should show (in an average month) how much you make, how much you spend and how much is left over. If you don’t know how to make a balance sheet, Google that shit.
4. If you don’t need it, don’t buy it
When payday finally comes and that new money is burning a hole in your pocket, stop and think about what you are about to spend it on. Anything that you absolutely have to have is probably already a part of your monthly expenses. This means that whatever you are about to spend your money on is some shit you don’t really need. Don’t walk into Walmart planning to buy deodorant and get suckered into buying a new flat screen just because they’re on sale. Sales are only beneficial to you if you have to buy the product regardless of price. For example, if the deodorant you specifically came in for was buy one, get one free then that is a sale you should take advantage of. On the other hand, let’s say they have adult diapers on sale as get 10 boxes for the price of 1. That’s a hell of a deal if you have to worry about shitting on yourself every day. I get that you’ll want to buy some weed, go on a date or buy some girl scout cookies every now and then. There is nothing wrong with that. Just have a little common sense.
5. Never choose the most expensive option
So you just got paid, you’re at the store and you know what you want to buy. You’ve decided you need another laptop cause your old one died of AIDS. (Too much Pornhub) You’re at a Best Buy and you have a sales person show you all the different choices you have. The one thing you should not do is immediately pick the laptop with the best EVERYTHING. Unless your job is to hack into the Pentagon while simultaneously downloading torrents as you beat off to twerk videos on YouTube, you don’t need the high end option. Usually, the most expensive option isn’t the best any way. Even when it is, you can normally find the same exact thing cheaper somewhere else. It’s like going to Mickey D’s to get 2 Big Macs when 3 McDoubles with Big Mac sauce gives you more food for less money.
What is perfection? We all know the definition of the word “perfect”. It’s simply to be without any flaws. It’s literally so good that there is no possible way of making any improvements. Any adjustments would actually make it less than perfect. It seems to me that perfection is so fragile that people are afraid to even touch the subject. This is why we are taught “There is no such thing as perfect.” While I must admit that I believe the probability of achieving perfection is quite low; it’s most certainly higher than 0 percent. To acknowledge that you’ll never be perfect or that you’ll never do anything perfectly is to admit defeat to an opponent you’ve never faced. The purpose of telling someone “No one is perfect” is to coddle their self-esteem. The only thing that does is make people comfortable with failure. Perfection does exist and it can be achieved, but we’ll never reach it if we keep telling people it can’t be done. Hoes.
This will be the home of my random thoughts until you really do know the MuffynMan.