So I get a call today from some woman named, Pam. Turns out she was my pops’ wife. She tells me he died this morning at 3:09am, which I thought was oddly specific.
I was currently traveling and watching Netflix, so I couldn’t really think of a good response. Ironically, I had just finished the episode of Breaking Bad when Walter told his family he had cancer and was probably going to die soon. (spoiler) I just kind of murmured some jibberish then went silent. She said “Hello, did you hear me?” I really just wanted to say “Ok,” but instead respond with “Yeah, thanks for letting me know."
She lets me know that I am one of his beneficiaries, so there is some paperwork I need to fill out. She says she can mail them to me if I send her my address. She then asks if I have my sister’s number so she can tell her the news. I of course do not. Now that I think of it, I’ve never had her number. I never needed it.
Surprisingly, after I get off the phone with Pam, my sister texts me and asks if Pam told me everything. I respond with "Yeah.” She then asks me if I’m doing ok. It’s a weird as question coming from a younger sister, especially mine. I respond with another “Yeah.” She goes on to say that moms wants to talk to me and she asks if I want her to have my number. I don’t respond.
If you guys have been keeping up with my blog posts, then you know I haven’t spoken to my moms or sister in over 10 years. Same goes for the rest of the fam besides my pops and cousin Ray, who text me on occasion. Coincidentally, Ray text me right after my sister did. Followed by an aunt Val that I probably haven’t seen since I was in diapers.
They just wanted to give their support and condolences, which I understand. I also understand their lack of familiarity with someone of my nature. I am not weak like you humans. Trivial things, such as death, don’t bother me in the least. I’m not sad. I’m not depressed. I’m not one of you. Don’t patronize me as such. I’m good.
Even though I had a full ride through college, I still had to pay out-of-state fees. The fees were covered by student loans my pops took out in my name. I didn’t mind this, because he was paying them off. Since that is no longer the case, I’m a little annoyed that I’ll have to add these expenses on my plate.
I contemplated on whether or not I should post this, because I do not want a bunch of people I haven’t talked to in years to suddenly throw me a pity party filled with fake empathy. If you are reading this, please don’t bring this topic up around me. (you’re going to do it any way) All that does is put me in an awkward situation where I have to think of a good response to “Sorry for your loss.” The best thing you can do is to either act like this nigga ain’t dead or don’t bother me. Life moves on.