You Can't Keep A Man

Lately, I've been seeing a lot of memes and Facebook statuses from females giving other females tips on how to "keep a man." It's funny reading all these cliche quotes like "A way to a man's heart is his stomach" and "A blowjob a day keeps the hoes away."  What's so funny to me is females associate a man's happiness with his loyalty. They assume that if they keep their man happy that he won't have a reason to look elsewhere for new pussy. I'm sorry to say this, but uh............EHN! WRONG!!!

While keeping a man happy in a relationship is fairly simple and straight forward; getting him to remain faithful is going to be more of a challenge. And I'm speaking from my own experience and from spending the majority of my social time with other guys who are completely different from me. Unless you are an expert in manipulation, it's damn near impossible to "keep a man." My dick does not care how happy I am with you. It still thinks I'll be happier inside the girl that works at the grocery store down the street or your best friend or whoever is about throwing some ass at your boy.

Now, I'm not saying it's impossible for a man to be faithful. Obviously, it can be done. I've done it and seen it done successfully quite a few times. What I am saying is as a woman, there is nothing you can do to prevent your man from cheating or just flat out dumping you for someone else. It doesn't matter how good of a cook you are or how easily you can suck the skin off his dick or how good your pussy game is. It doesn't matter if you keep your hair and nails done or if you have an amazing personality. Do men appreciate those things? Yes. Does doing these things make a man happy? Of course. But you are missing the underlying issue. Happiness does not equal security.

If it's that easy to "keep a man" then it only makes sense that it would be just as easy for another woman to take him. As far as cooking goes, how hard could it be to season something and then heat it up without burning it? How much better could your head/pussy game be compared to the next chick? No matter what you are doing for your man to "keep him," there are plenty more women where you came from that can do the same if not more.

You could argue that a fully satisfied man has no reason to look for a new woman even if something better out there exists. That would be a good argument if men were actually that two-dimensional. Think about it this way. If you are completely satisfied with how steak tastes and you decide it's your favorite food, does that stop you from trying chicken? No, because no matter how much you enjoy one thing, you'll always want to try other things. It might not even be to find something better, but for variety. And yes, I did compare women to pieces of meat, but that's exactly what humans are made of; muscle and fat.

Some would argue that spicing up the relationship will add enough variety to keep a man entertained. EHN! WRONG AGAIN! Switching positions doesn't make you a different bitch. Role playing doesn't make you a different bitch.  Coming up with new date activities doesn't make you a different bitch. All of these things are necessary for a long relationship, but they don't guarantee it. At the end of the day, it all comes down to this: DIFFERENT IS BETTER. The next bitch doesn't literally have to be better than you because in your man's eyes, she is new. Look, I like McDonald's menu the way it is, but if they add some new shit to it then I'm definitely trying it at least once.